Note 37

Drinking vanilla, cinnamon and cardamon tea


I woke up at 5 and I was still tired. I tried putting on my sleep music and going back to sleep until later. This didn't work as the birds from outside had effectively drowned out the music from my phone. I closed my eyes till 6:11 and then just decided to stay awake.

Yesterday was a pretty OK day overall. It was too hot in my room in the afternoon and I got antsy for a while as I ran out of internet time for the day at 2pm.

At around 8am, my friend reminded me of an event we have planned for Sunday over discord. In preparation, I finally installed the software and made myself an account. As much as I rail against for-profit software, it's very nice to use. Shortly after setting it all up, I talked to K over it for an hour or so. It was a pleasant conversation, but both of us were distracted with PC based tasks we were doing during the call, which is something I wasn't used to. I normally set aside time to give all my attention to someone when talking to them. So I feel bad when I'm distracted and I feel hurt when others are.

After that chat, I made myself some breakfast and then did my dishes. Whilst I was finishing off my food, I was texting with R. I hadn't talked with him in a long time. We soon started talking over the phone. It was a good chat, and well deserved. A lot of new ideas came up through it, which I made an effort to document. We talked about fitness, women problems, moving out and corona in general. Because we both have had difficulty in maintaining a workout regime in the past, he suggested that we keep each other accountable. I extended this idea into a google docs document into which we can enter our metrics and keep track of them week by week.

During the conversation I mentioned the 5 year plan living document I was working on. Intrigued, he asked me to explain what that included and how it worked. I explained some more and gave examples of what sort of writing I included within. Specifically, I explained the thought experiment that I've been working on where I imagine myself on my 31st birthday. I consider how old all those around me have become, what stages of their lives they are now in and what I hope to have accomplished and avoided in the last 5 years. I read a few excerpts to nail down exactly how impactful this sort of text can be. I then noticed the part that I'd written on his future, giddy, I started laughing to myself. Even more intrigued, he really wanted to know what I was laughing about. I then explained what it was, composed myself and made sure he was ready to hear it. I then read out his future. It was a wild conversation and the energy crackled throughout.

Shortly before it was over, my internet for the day ran out. This was frustrating as it was only about 2pm at that point. I had planned to browse for a lot longer. This was obviously beneficial as it forced me to do other things for the rest of the day. After lunch I played Shattered Pixel Dungeon on my laptop for 45 minutes, this was OK but I can't really remember a lot of what happened in that session. That's not a good sign. I then wrote my blog post for the day. This was an interesting experience as it was the first time that I wrote my blog post in the middle of the day. I don't know if it went better or worse than other days. I suppose that I'll see in time.

I had planned to chat with S over the phone in the evening, but she bailed because her friends had given her a surprise evening event that she couldn't get out of. This was difficult for me as she gave me a silent treatment from 19:15 until.. well still now. I don't think she's woken up. I dunno, the whole thing just stresses me out. We're not even in a relationship. But emotionally it feels like we are. This shouldn't be so frustrating.

I went to bed at 9:30, and read for quite a while. I was probably asleep by 22:45. Before bed, I closed my curtains, poured myself some tea, laid in my bed and read my book. The book I'm reading right now is called Primal Woman. It's a collection of short stories from a famed Bengali writer called Sunil Gangopahyay and translated by an eminent translater called Aruna Chakravarti. It's been a fascinating read and I learnt a lot of their cultures through it. It's also surprising how much of it feels like it could have been written anywhere in the world. It had a certain timeless quality to it.

I finished reading it after waking today. I tend to be quite impatient and greedy when it comes to the end of a book.

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