Note 56

Drinking: Lemon and Ginger tea

Listening to:

Notable songs: Salsa Celtica- Quieres Bailar, Los titanes- merecumbe, Celia Crus- La Vida Es Un Carnaval


It's 7:53 and I woke to my alarm at 7. In the time since I posted today's post that I wrote yesterday, exchanged some messages with P and went for a much needed piss. My toothache from yesterday has explained itself. My impacted wisdom tooth has come up, impact and all. It's gone through the side of my gums with makes it more painful. Anyway, I need a dentist, like yesterday.

It was a basic day. I had a low level pain from headache and toothache most of the day and we had difficulty in getting the lawn mower back together. We spent an hour trying to get the replacement drive belt back on to the mechanism but things just weren't working out.

Before that we went to Dobbies gardening centre to pick up wildflower seed mix. Whilst I was there I also bought something I had been planning on buying since a couple of weeks. In the freezer cookbook, I learnt about a brand of silicone freezer bags called stashers. They are supposed to be very good quality and very easy to use. I have yet to use this new acquisition but I'm excited about it. A big reason is for freezing meats like chicken breast. Normally they come in packs of 500g+. One of the suggestions in the book is to cut it down to strips when you buy them, flash freeze them and then decant into a stasher. A big improvement of this over the current system we use is hygiene. Normally we simply move the whole chicken breast into open sandwich bags which are then put into carrier bags. It's simply not hygienic as we do it now. So I'm excited for a change.

One of the topics that came up in my head recently was how I'm getting complacent recently. Prior to hitting the 50 day mark, the implicit reward felt crucial for building up to the moment. Now that I've hit the milestone, it feels more like a suggestion. In order to retain my power and because my brain "needs proof not promises" (quote from bradicus, austrlian pick up artist), I shall organise the consulting call with the firm come next week. It probably makes sense to organise it soon in order to make it happen when I'm in London. I still haven't considered what I want to talk to them about as it hasn't really felt real to me yet. Furthermore, I have recently hit 100 days for my German practice. Because I hadn't planned any rewards into that structure it feels incorrect to retroactively give myself something to do so. Or to shoehorn something that needs doing into a "reward" because I need one. Instead I will set up a reward for 150 days. That feels big enough to do something about.

After getting back from Dobbies, my lower right wisdom tooth had been playing up somewhat. Over the rest of the day it stressed me out with low level anxiety and pain. I mentioned it to my sister and she recommended I use a salt water rinse to reduce the pain. After umming and ahing for a while I did so in the evening. It seemed to help a bit. I also used floss for the first time in a couple weeks.

I haven't talked to S at all in the last week. A lot of the time I'm not thinking about her, but conversely a lot of the time I do. It's normally when I'm lonely or hot and bothered. I sometimes feel greedy for her in a way that I haven't felt before with other women. I know that it's cliche, but I think it's because I've rarely been in a situation where I'm in such an open and intimate situation with a stunning woman. One who doesn't shut me down when I'm thirsty. So it feels more normal for us to be together and sometimes I think about what we would be like. This has stopped in the last week. Ever since she told me that she's no emotionally available for a relationship, I've felt myself emotionally detaching from her, for self-preservation purposes. I haven't decided what to do about it. I'll probably get over her when another woman walks into my life. I guess. I'll believe it when I see it.

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