Note 63

Drinking:

Listening to: Fynn Kliemann- Pop

Notable songs: Alles Nur Geliehen, Frieden mit der Stadt

Hello,

It's 8:07 and I woke to my alarm at 7. Inzwichen I've edited and published the post I started on Sunday, and troubleshooted my iPod.

Yesterday was a brilliant day. However most of it I was stressed and on edge. Dad noticed this and thereafter I noticed it. I tried to manage it, but it came to a point that I snapped at him because I felt overwhelmed and unappreciated. I stormed off to have a break. This came after a mixed day of work and breaks. I wasn't used to the ambiguity.

Prior to this, he decided that I should help him clear out the whole other place. I was to drive the van and reverse park it twice. It was bloody stressful. It didn't help that I didn't have much of a choice in what was not supposed to be a standard work day. It was frustrating.

Later in the day I had a break in which I read further in Way of the Peaceful Warrior. It was frustrating to read it as it shone light on parts of myself I didn't want see. Specifically it implored the reader to live in the present using a visceral situation where demons and temptresses represent the dangers of the past and future. It specifically said the following

"Your sorrow, your fear and anger, regret and guilt, your envy and plans and craving only live in the past or in the future."

This threw me. I haven't recovered yet tbh.

I was also thrown because I've fallen into another trap of coveting a digital product. I rather want one of the new minimalist phones like the Punkt mp02. I'm apprehensive because it was beset with bugs upon it's initial launch a few years ago, and I can find very few people talking about the progress made on the bugs since. It would be a lot easier if their tech was open source and I could just see the github repo.

One of the reasons I want it is because it would look so cool getting a woman's number on it .

In the evening I found my own path to recovery by going for a walk and having a talk with my best friends. We had a video chat which was awesome. It was so different to the usual chats because I was outside and walking for the first 20 minutes as I talked to Chris. I updated both him and Rashid on the current situation with Steph, but as of yet Adam doesn't know. It's like an inside joke. It's nice. The four of us talked for more than an hour; we pulled many weird faces. We also organised a day out for the lot of us for when I'm back in London. It feels good to have something settled upon my return.

Afterwards, I said my goodbyes and made my way downstairs in order to study my German. I had planned to make progress on the poetry class but the unexpected chat took precedence. After the German, I played some word games with Dad. Danach I went to bed.

It doesn't feel like I'll be travelling back to London today. It just feels like another normal day. I'm certainly more tired than before. I'm still processing what I feel about the situation with Steph. Like we're keeping steady on our friendship, but how often should I call her. I think I'll have to make that decision for myself.

See you soon


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