[8:04pm] [3/10/19]

great news: i can't breathe

nothing is worth living for anymore

i can't tell stella or cici how i feel
i don't know what to do about the whole thing with taylor
garrett told me that there are like 3 people that he knows of who like me and that there are probably more, but if that's true then why the fuck am i so alone still
i don't know what the fUCK is happening with rachel, does she like me or not

i'm just an incompetent bitch who can't do anything right and doesn't deserve anyone's admiration, much less anyone's affection

guess what: my life is fucking confusing and i just want it all to disappear already

nothing is good anymore

====

nothing is worth it if there isn't anything that makes me happy anymore

i don't know what to do anymore
why can't i just know what people would think of me so then i could just move on
like that would make everything so much easier because then i wouldn't have to waste feelings on people that wouldn't even reciprocate them

it's just so annoying when you can't live without seeing someone 5 times a week and then you're fucking in l o v e with them on top of that

//
in case you were wondering, unrequited feelings and seeing the person for whom your feelings exist 5 days a week aren't a good combination

it ends with you not breathing and probably ending up killing yourself because nobody will ever even entertain the idea of thinking of you the way you think of them
\\

it's
it's just fucking annoying
why does nobody ever talk to me
like yeah, i get that i'm shy, but that doesn't mean i won't talk to people
and that shouldn't make me unapproachable

nobody even bothers

even if people say they love being around me

if that was the case, people would be around me, and guess what, they're not

maybe this is just my sleep deprivation and depression talking, but
none of this seems like it's worth anything
nobody cares about me
nobody even bothers to talk to me
and when they do, it's just total bullshit conversations most of the time
like maybe once every 60 conversations i have are actually worth the slightest bit of my life

i don't know anymore

===

everything just seems hopeless and i'm not gonna have an impact on the world anyways, so what's the point in being alive


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