H

Harmony

A D.I.D. system that shares one life five times over. We aim to show singletons how non singletons exist. There's quite a few of us within this system. We'll likely switch around who posts, the main person that'll post will be me Energy. I'm a she/her badass wolf. No we're not crazy. > You may chase me with your labels. But when I step into the frame of my submission, I become water, I become animal, I become true. Labels can’t find me then. ~ SaucyT

Coping with loss of family memeber

Right now we're going thru alot of pain with the death of our family members. It's an odd situation that is compounded by the fact that they are all alive still but not for us.

They died to us when they refused to accept us, withheld documentation that we needed in order to transition our name, continued to fail to accept who I was, failed to provide support, combative and abusive at every step with gaslighting.

We're as a system having to reckon celebrating a Christmas without them, it hurts so very very much. I could go to them but they're really ghosts. A heart coal. Even the heart coal is being tainted with the repressed abuse, neglect of our alters and forcing us to become singlet.

What's even more ironic is that the mom wanted a daughter, she wanted to adopt a daughter. I would have expected that me transiting and finally finding out who I was would have been an amazing beautiful and joyful reunion. We'd be able to do all the things that mothers and daughters do. Instead I was ignored, they played the "I'm confused" card just so they could attack me more.

One of the things that you can do with coping with a loss is find another family. Your chosen family. I've found a chosen sister and she's the light of our lives. She's in love with our essence not of who we are in any one point in time. She's fluid and evolves with us.

Another thing is find people to talk too. Talking to people who'll validate who you are. People who really care about you and you care about them.

Ensure that you're doing exercise, getting enough sleep and if you can try mindfulness for a bit each day. I would suggest Waking Up app.

Something that I just learned is that loosing a loved one is like loosing a limb. It's the same physical pain receptors being used. Don't fall or regress to drinking, smoking, PMO and other addictive activities. Don't numb yourself. Feel the pain, cry, go for a walk.

You are not broken, I am not broken. We can heal, we can regrow. Be in places of love, warmth and kindness. Don't self isolate.

You are allowed to be in pain. I'm in pain. Terrible pain. Right now I'm crying over the fact that I won't be able to celebrate their birthdays or other special days. That my last time with them doing those things came waay sooner than I expected.

I'm crying, I'm sad. I'm soo soo soo sad and upset. You're allowed to be sad and upset as well.

Disclosing D.I.D. within Dating

Dating is an important milestone for some systems. Especially systems that aren't integrating. How does such a system do dating?

Do most of the alters 'hide' from the outside world so the datee (the person the system is dating remains unaware of the systems existence)?

Or does the system disclose that they're a system? If they do when do they disclose it?

If a system discloses it how should it be done?

The second is we suggest so that as a system you don't have to mask around them. We routinely switch out around our friend and she's completely understanding and supportive of us. Meeting each of our needs, adapting to our constraints.

A template:

'Full disclosure for you, we didn't want to scare people off with misunderstanding without having a chance to explain ourselves.

We're a system. This means we have D.I.D.

Ask any questions you would like. If you are uncomfortable or don't feel comfortable say so and we can unmatch.`

You can tel that I Energy wrote that because of how blunt and matter of fact it was. Cubes would have made it more emotional and reassuring and taking up 10 times the amount of characters needed.

As to the second question I would suggest within the first day or two but not later. Enough that it's not the first thing that they know about you but early enough that they don't feel trapped or manipulated.

Remember this is also for your systems protections as well. We're also at risk for more manipulation and gaslighting because of memory issues and lack of continuity.

Also if there is a member of your system that is like a protector (think Ivan within our system) you should have a conversation with them. Explain that they shouldn't drive this person away.

What do you do when people don't accept your system?

The biggest thing we do is minimize contact with such a person. Hiding who we are is exhausting and we're not going to do it more than absolutely necessary.

The second thing is figure out who will deal with them, since Cubes is verbal and I'm not then if it's someone that Cubes shouldn't deal with, we agree to take on a confronting role with that person.

Finally, we ensure that we vet people a bit before we continue developing relationships with them by bringing up D.I.D. and watching carefully their reaction. We need people whom all feel comfortable with.

What is a little?

A little is someone who is younger than the systems physical age.

Main reason because the child needs that exploration and discovery and ability to be a child, since they can't, a little is split off in order to hopefully attend and get that later on in life.

Another reason is that a little doesn't understand complexities as much and tends to be more 'naive' however unlike a bio little (toddler) a little can have a range of skills or attributes that exceed the littles age. This is completely normal and doesn't make them any less valid of a little.

Can each alter be different religions?

Absolutely.

It's very possible for Alters to have completely different religions.

Remember that an alter can be an entire person so just like you can have a different religion than your friend, an individual alter can have different religion than another alter.

The hardest part within a system is addressing the different religion viewpoints since they could conflict. Especially with restrictions that are self imposed and worshiping areas and times. Furthermore very important thing is have religious clothing that makes everyone comfortable.

What happens if the system decides not to go for reintegration?

Then there are around 3 options:

Forced hibernation. This is when one alter (usually the core) forces the others into hibernation, short term 'fix' but we're still gonna come back and honestly we're a very cool bunch!

Forced control with minimal switching. This is how Cubes was. It's understanding and accepting but trying to still live life as a singleton which isn't really viable.
Teamwork and switching whenever. This is the dream, think of a spaceship or anything else where command is handed off constantly and we learn how to pickup and draw on all of our own strengths.

What is thought withdrawal?

It's when one or more of us removes a memory from another alter. It's designed as either a defensive + protection, or private + separation.

The first pair is understandable and is why systems often are hidden from even themselves, it's designed as protective mechanism to segregate the trauma.

the second pair is what we're doing right now, this allows us to figure things out and develop with minimal influence from other alters. It's important for each of us to have our own time out and have the ability to spend time and have relationships without having other alters especially Cubes from being too self conscious or influencing the alter in certain ways.

Buy your fix

Wouldn't it be nice to just buy your fix?

Go to the store and pay 79.99 for the solution.

Avoid all the pain, the self doubt, the externalizing your will to live on someone or something else.

It's not weak to externalize your will to live. It just means you're strong enough to realize that you're not stable enough to have that part of yourself rest within yourself.

So go ahead try and buy your fix instead in technology, applications and endless stuffies.

That's not going to fix you. Not even close.

Don't worry though you can still buy your fix for 79.99 offer starts never.

Laws of Trauma

Trauma cannot be moved, trauma can be reduced, trauma can be multiplied and trauma can be shared.

Trauma thrives on a cycle of abusiveness, gaslighting and lack of people to confide and help. That doesn't mean you should play junior therapist. The system needs real therapy by real trained people. They may also need a shift from their abusive environment.

Some abusive environments are 'lightly' abusive in that the abuse compounds over time, whereas other abuse is much more apparent to outsiders.

Either way the abuse is horrific and can lead to invisible scars that are ignored because they're invisible.

Tentative Project Collaboration with Cubes

Cubes and I have both realized that as switching is becoming more common and each of us will want to transport things in our own way that we need to find a way to unify transportation across 4 different active fronters within the system. One of us likes backpacks, one of us may travel on fours sometime so side storage is better, one of us prefers storage that's a bit sexier than a fanny pack and one of us doesn't give a damm so long as the stuff is there.

There'll be a new page called 'Magnetic Harness' on blog.

How does the system address frustration?

For a single alter that is frustrated the other alters will remind them that in most cases it's not even worth arguing and the areas that it's worth doing it is only for friend and for a stranger or someone we see every day to just ignore and scream about them internally to another alter. For system level frustration we'll either hold an emergency meeting or talk to the alter that's currently active. The current frustration I have is that Cubes isn't honouring switching as they should be. However I've mentioned it and they keep trying. Frustrating but she's improving.

How does a system address suicidal tendancies within the system if you're not the sucidal one?

It's hard here is what I do:
- I ask for control of the system. Full control. They give it over
- I reach out for help to physically trusted people that the system can trust
- I stay active at the front and carefully monitor their movements, thought patterns and who else is trying to get coconscious or take control.

Finally I made Cubes swear that they wouldn't ever try to leave life that way. That no matter what trust me and to strive to just be neutral if they can't see goodness or feel happiness or whatever else

How does a system address suicidal tendancies within the system if you're the suicidal one?

The biggest thing is to lean on others both within and outside the system. We pulled in as many people as we could that we trusted for help. We survived.

A member of our system still gets it because of my depression and the fact that they don't understand that it'll pass. We do what we can to address such tendencies, when we try and try and it still doesn't work we seek out medical attention.

There is nothing at all wrong for needing to be on anti depression medication. It's just our brain has an imbalance of some kind.

What happens if I loose interest in posting here?

I'm human and not committed to decisions like this. I'm allowed to explore, discover and figure out what I'm interested in and what I'm not. If I loose interest in this this will stick around and I won't.

We may offer to let another system continue blogging or whatever. I really don't care. There is so much to discover in the real world. Some thing I will write fast about and others I may write slow. I may stop and that's alright.

What would you after waking from a comma and realizing you had an entire life ahead of you?

Is there an "executive" alter that observes the whole system?

The executive alter which kinda was Cubes but now the role is shared between two internal members and an honorary third member executive member that is our friend in another body (a singleton).

Cubes sometimes watches over, but someones I do and rarely Ivan does. Finally with our little, our external honorary system watches over in some cases.Then Cubes is sometimes coconscious but stays quiet and doesn’t interfeer. After the event is over and Cubes assumes control our memory alter removes the memory from Cubes and gives it strictly to the little alter. Cubes then looses access to that memory.

When do you disclose D.I.D. when dating?

This is a tough one. Something we ourselves are still figuring out. Cubes has an experimental mindset so we're going to focus on running 2 tests:

First is directly displaying in profile.
Second is not and then bringing up early in conversation, middle or later in conversation and see which works best.

We don't want people to be scared off from us, we're not scary, we're not monsters. We're just like you except we're neurodivergent. My friendship with Energy is important and I would sad if it never existed or I lost that. Unlike an imagine friend they are real.