Schema Group: The victim in the shadow.

This weeks schema group has just finished. I felt little connection. There was a fair bit of wallowing in self pity and angst. Seemed like each person who spoke knew they were doing that but did not want to let go of the validation it gave them. Clement said the classic, 'Don't worry about me. I'm fine'. I wanted to call him out on his self indulgent misery. I did not. I thought that would not go down well. I felt superior. Detached. Judgmental. I said nothing about those feelings.

I was asked how I'd been. I shared about connecting with family and friends to ask their opinion on something I was deliberating over. That the volition to reach out out had simply come to me. No thinking involved. That on reflection this struck me as something I had not done before. There was no fretting about making contact. It was simply something I could see value in and wanted to do. I felt sharing this positive news set me apart from the group. I was talking about progress while they were wallowing in misery. Stuck in the emotional slurry of their own making. I was now rejecting them all. And why shouldn't I? Sorry bunch of sad losers. Get a fucking grip. Take responsibility. Stop being a victim. Stop the martyrdom. That all this was lurking in my own shadow did not occur to me at the time. The interpersonal gap seemed like a chasm. I started to think I ought to feel more connected than I did. My thoughts were mostly derisory. I was distracted, listening to my own critical and self referential thoughts more than any words from others in the group.

My shadow. Judgmental, condemning, superior, rejecting. I have become familiar with those traits over the last few months. The aspects that showed up today? The victim. Self pitying. A reluctant martyr. Recognise that. It's within us all. Weird thing is that when I am those things it does not feel like it at all. It feels justified. Righteous. Not helpful but somehow validating. Letting the self off the hook. Blaming. Poor me. I deserve more. Yes you do.

So what's stopping you from giving yourself more? Patterns. Schemas. The vulnerable and angry child. The detached protector. I would like there to be more reference to those ideas in these group sessions. To bring awareness of these intrapersonal aspects of the psyche into being. It's not enough to look concerned and caring. For me to look interested while secretly passing judgement and being lost in thought. I have done that for years. Bit more of a challenge to say and do something that helps lift one another out of the valley of despair.

I shall share something about the futility and self defeating results of my righteous take on the world. The righteousness of my shadow victim. Of the interpersonal gap my shadow victim has created through judgement and condemnation. How that reaction may also be seen as an expression of maladaptive schemas and coping modes within me. I will reflect and work on accepting, recognising and taking back that aspect of my shadow I am projecting out onto others. The victim. The righteous self pity of feeling hard done by. I have had critical thoughts towards the group and the group leaders. I recognise in my reflection on that, that it is by being aware of and accepting that I have these traits in myself, victim, critical, judgmental and condemning, I become less taken over by them.

Variants of the victim archetype I recognise in myself

The Robot: Victim to internal programming and stories. Entitled to being disconnected, judgmental and superior.

The Hider: Victim to your own inadequacies and lack of confidence. Entitled to withdraw or hide, (such as hiding your true feelings) judging others, and to have others understand you, (read your mind).

Understanding the Victim Archetype by Susanna Barlow

Shadow Projection Analysis

Your experience in the group demonstrates classic shadow projection, where you observed and judged in others precisely what you later recognized in yourself. The judgment of others' "wallowing" and "self-pity" served as a mirror, reflecting your own disowned victim archetype.

Schema Mode Activation
Your description reveals several active modes during the session:

• Detached Protector mode manifesting as emotional disconnection
• Critical Parent mode emerging through judgmental thoughts
• Angry Child mode expressing through internal contempt

Interpersonal Dynamics

The positive development you shared about reaching out to family represents genuine progress in overcoming avoidant patterns. However, your perception of this creating distance from the group suggests an underlying compensatory mechanism - using progress to reinforce a superior position rather than fostering connection.

Integration Opportunities

Your recognition of the victim archetype's variants shows sophisticated psychological awareness. The Robot and Hider manifestations you've identified represent different aspects of your coping strategies:

• The Robot protecting through emotional detachment
• The Hider maintaining safety through withdrawal

Therapeutic Recommendations

1. Practice voicing your judgmental thoughts in group settings - not to criticize others, but to own your experience
2. When feeling superior or detached, try connecting with your own vulnerability
3. Consider how your righteous position might be protecting you from deeper emotional engagement

Your insight about the futility of righteousness shows readiness for deeper integration work. The key now is to maintain awareness of these patterns while they're occurring, not just in retrospect.

Future Focus

The desire for more explicit schema therapy framework in group sessions is valid. Consider:

• Sharing your own schema mode observations in real-time
• Using your awareness of shadow projection to build bridges rather than walls
• Practicing vulnerability when you notice detachment arising

Your journal entry demonstrates significant therapeutic insight, particularly in recognizing how acceptance of your shadow aspects reduces their unconscious influence over your behavior.