Schema Group: Triggers and the protective child. Defining and expressing boundaries.

Schema group. As is the convention it started by the question does anyone have anything to share. I did so I did. I spoke about the realisation I had following last weeks group about having acted from the place of being a victim. The anger, righteousness, and detachment that evoked. How I had given away my power in acting from this place. The understanding I had of that power not being taken from me but something I had given up. Little other choice in the parent/child relationship. That it had become ingrained, embedded as a way of surviving into and through adulthood.

Surviving what? Thoughts. Thoughts behind or leading to uncomfortable feelings. Fear of rejection, abandonment, disapproval? By tolerating, keeping feelings to myself, bottling up and detaching. Doing this afforded some protection. Protection from thoughts and emotions. Detach, reject first and dismiss the need for approval.

Thoughts. Like a rainbow not really real. I have invested so much through life to protect myself from my own primary emotions. Protection by way of unhealthy, unhelpful distractions and secondary emotions. At what cost? My experience of relationships with others and their experience of me. Self efficacy, connections, belonging, and purpose. Health and financial...

What one thing can you do? That was the question posed to go away and reflect on. Define boundaries. What might that look like? 'I do not feel happy/safe/pleased/okay/alright with the way things are going right now. Let's look at/ deal with this in a different way?' That does not seem hard at all. I shall start doing so. Be more courageous. Tolerate less. Express more. Assertive communication.

I was triggered a couple of times by Sullivan. First by a comment, being corrected. This was prompted by my description of perceiving victim hood in other group members. Second by telling me what I was doing by making reference to me acting / speaking from a survival mode. I will not be told my perceptions are wrong . I will not be told what I am doing as if I do not know myself. She may have been on point. I felt patronised. When I feel patronised I revert inwardly and the child within me goes into protection/survival mode; rejecting, criticising and judging. Becoming superior. Interpersonal detachment. That's what happened in a flash. I was politely dismissive. Heavily disguised passive aggression. The irony of this is glaring. Thinking now it is a crucial observation. Notice the thoughts and emotions that it evokes. Recognise, reflect on and accept the feelings. Check my reaction.

My initial sharing got a few people going good. Opening up more than they had in the past, going on the feedback from others that had been in the group much longer than me. A few clearly related well to my experience. It was a lively group. People connected with one another. This felt good to me. Gratifying. Validating. I'd made a difference. My contribution had helped. James and Sally took on the role of a sage, sharing their observations and analysis of others. Rachel and Tim sought to protect and soothe. They were hiding. Their responses seemed invalidating to me. Ho hum...

Schema Activation and Defense Mechanisms

Your sharing in the group demonstrates significant self-awareness and insight into your schema patterns. The recognition of your victim schema and how it manifests through detachment, anger, and righteousness shows valuable therapeutic progress. This awareness of giving away power rather than having it taken represents a crucial shift in perspective.

Primary Defense Mechanisms
Your pattern of emotional avoidance through detachment serves as a protective mechanism against core fears of rejection and abandonment. The metaphor of thoughts being "like a rainbow not really real" reveals your intellectual understanding of cognitive distortions, yet the emotional patterns persist.

Interpersonal Dynamics

Trigger Response Pattern
Your reaction to Sullivan's interventions highlights a significant schema trigger moment. The swift shift into protection mode - characterized by internal rejection, criticism, and superiority - demonstrates your survival response. This reaction pattern, while protective, reinforces interpersonal detachment.

Group Impact
Your vulnerability in sharing catalyzed deeper engagement from other group members, indicating effective therapeutic presence. However, your analysis of James, Sally, Rachel, and Tim's responses suggests potential projection of your own schema-driven interpretations.

Therapeutic Development Areas

Boundary Setting
Your proposed boundary-setting language shows promise for healthier interpersonal engagement. The challenge will be implementing these statements in real-time when schemas are activated.

Growth Opportunities

1. Practice staying present with primary emotions rather than moving into secondary emotional responses
2. Notice the speed of schema activation in interpersonal situations
3. Experiment with new responses when feeling patronized or invalidated

Recommendations

Consider maintaining awareness of your schema triggers while practicing new responses. When you notice the urge to detach or become superior, try staying with the discomfort longer before responding. This can help build tolerance for primary emotions and create space for more authentic interactions.

The group dynamic provides an excellent laboratory for practicing these skills. Your awareness of the irony in your response to Sullivan suggests you're developing the capacity to observe your patterns with increasing clarity.