Hunting the Undead

So these are certainly not new ideas. You could even reluctantly admit that they are fully alive and present and show zero hint of ungracefully expiring. But here goes anyway.

I'll try to describe two types of the Undead. I take no credit for the first, since it's a well-known ghoul in certain types of writing. Apparently some hero called Dr Rebecca Johnson first devised the concept. The origins of the second are up for debate, but I'll claim it anyway.

Zombies

This species feasts on the passive voice. In my experience it most often shakes its ugly locks in policy production. The author might use it to dodge claiming credit (or responsibility) for some new concept or want to blur its origins. In some cases, they may simply have no idea where it comes from, although this is certainly not always their fault.

The unfortunate reader-victim is left to stumble over the text, unsure of

• who on earth is doing what to what
• why any of this might matter to them

As you probably know already, you can identify the passive voice by adding the phrase "by zombies" at the end.

If this concept is new to you, please enjoy it. You surely can get much better explanations and examples from the original tweet.

I would go with:

My children are writing this blog post to make me look silly.

Here my children are clearly to blame.

vs

"This blog post is being written (by my children / by Zombies) to make me look silly."

Here the identity of the urchins is unknown, which means I can't blame anyone else for it.

Vampires

This is a simpler concept.

Whenever you read the word "Stakeholders", replace this in your head with "Vampire Slayers".

There's no particular grammatical issue with the offending word. It can even be justifiable. It does however bury a multitude of possible meanings which would be better spelled out.

As a reader, you might wonder:

• Am I one of these wood-wielding maniacs?
• If so, should I be doing something with this knowledge?
• If not, who are the fortunate yet shadowy wisps, and why is the author unwilling to define them?

In any case, I promise that every time you'll feel better for making the switch.