20201229

I am grateful for the changes in my life during 2020.

This was my first year avoiding other people, not going to parties, barely visiting my family, working from home, not going abroad. I miss all those things and long for them. Yet am still grateful for much of what has filled the void.

This year I internalized and embodied the idea that we should first primarily focus on improve ourselves, before striving to improve the world. I read significantly less about global issues, sustainability, economics, big challenges for humanity. Instead I focused taking many small steps, to bring meaning and order into my daily life. I wrote about my experiences, who I am, where I want to go. This writing was only for me.

I believe that through this process, I will later be of greater service to all that is beyond the immediate self. This has already begun for those close to me. Relationships with loved ones are flourishing, despite (or partially due to?) the distance from the rest of society.

My mind is now calm. Calmer than I ever remember it being in the past. Or at least since I was a teenager, so often in a flow state.
Today I meditated. I had some distractions from thoughts, sounds, physical sensations. I could notice these with minimal judgement, and return to my breathing. Last time I had a daily meditation practice, it lasted ~50 days. By the end of those, I had not reached the place I have started from, this time. I am happy to observe this, encouraged to persist.

I am laughing more than before at comedy.

My work has improved.

I am feeling more love.

I know much suffering has come with this pandemic. Nonetheless, I am truly grateful for 2020. I hope I'm not the only one that feels this way.