may 8 2019

i started today doing damage control to my very depressed msg to louie last night. by the end of that, i was actually pretty happy and up-mooded. that's good. the night before, as i explained to lou, was just dogshit. i would've killed myself if i really wanted to. now i feel like i'm crazy (~3:00 pm the next day)

i also took a shower so mom could take a pic of me after school for the summer camp... they need a super specific picture, but i can see why i guess. harder to get into this camp than to take the act...

after that, packing lunch and not having any of the whales crackers i normally eat, i just packed ruffles...

as far as school, well hiding a huge cut on my arm is always something. first block went away without a hitch. got to talk on discord a lot because i'm just that good... or something.

second block was mostly pure lecture... ap world is only so fun. we also played some quizizz at the end, i got like 4th or so lmao

after a quiz in bio, third block, got a 91, talking on discord, the table played the same boardgame but this time i just read the cards since i didn't want to not do that.

fourth block i have done nothing thus far. the teacher in here is incompetent as far as using her time wisely so i've just RPd, which i am finding some more fun in today than yesterday, worked on setting up the Listed blog, published yesterday's journal post... which i may regret. after all, i regretted the tumblr. but this is better since i'm actually telling about everything not just the low points.

speaking of which, finally deleted the tumblr just now. which is brilliant. crossed it off the to-do as well.

i'm super hungry. still is ~3:00 btw. prolly gonna get food on the way home unless mom is fine to go out somewhere

at some point i wanna convince her to use "alisa" around the house. if she already knows i'm trans it shouldn't be that much to ask. obviously not in public though.

got a girl's hoodie monday which i'm wearing today. it's got cut-outs for fingers. it's meant to help keep hands warm if youre running and it's cold but i'm using it to be cute. it was $8 so fuck you if you don't think that's a good deal.

davis tried to join the "Boiz" today, ari wasn't happy. johny took ryan's phone and kicked him. he thinks she overreacted. she knows she's overreacted too. it's funny. tea.

4:40 update says I've broken the internet and I'm pissed/suicidal again, almost cut again. this is all pissing me off and I can't stand it. I'm starving and just want to eat and have working fucking internet. I can barely type. I just want to curl up and cry. this week I swear to god.

meanwhile mom talks with saw about bs and with orkin about bs.

8:00 we went to dinner and then i fixed the wifi and


port forwarded in less than 5 minutes on the comcast router.

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