to have wanted to be sick in spite of all that world outside now; to have wanted in spite to be sick - in that, all good things are spiteful. ...

for instance there is cold water waiting for you to sleep; you never liked milk for the odd taste it left in your mouth - something between sour and cream, smelling like mother's old kiss that rotted in your throat; now you are old, here is something else it burns your throat. You want to hope that it is water; perhaps tomorrow when you call mother, you could tell her that. ...