A letter to myself from ten years ahead.

If you imagine yourself in the future ten years, looking back on today, what would you think of your present self? What would your future, more-successful- self tell your today-self?

In ten years now I shall be 60 years old. Looking back on myself now I'd be thinking my goodness, after 50 years on this planet you have yet to be settled in having purpose and direction in your life.

Think of the children! What do you think you have been doing for the last 19 years. You have been being the best dad you could. You have raised four boys that seem pretty balanced. You have stuck with a relationship and not run away. You have maintained an income to keep the family going. You have tried all sorts of different jobs in your field. Yes your field - you know - health and social care. You have struck out from the 9 - 5. You have gained a respectable amount of control of what you do and when you do it. You have maintained your fitness. You have done some incredibly long bike rides! You have stuck by your principles. You've not done badly at all for someone living without a strong sense of purpose and direction.

The next ten years you will make the most of. It seems you may have left those childish things behind. You know things like smoking weed as a distraction from getting on with life. Spending time with people you know have not really got a good grasp of anything other than getting wasted.

Stick with this path you are on. Keep going back to learning and doing. It's not too late or too soon. It never has been. The time is now. Rinse out each day for what you can. Keep up with the meditation. You know that it helps to notice when you're at risk of going off track and heading towards indulgent distractions. Keep your open mind. Stay young at heart. Keep up the cycling. Stay fit. Look after yourself. Get enough sleep. Don't spen time doing shit you don't enjoy if you can help it. Know that you are in control. You always have been. Know that you do have direction and purpose. It's just perhaps you have not chosen to accept it. Accept it so you can let go.

Know your weak point. Your vulnerability. It's focus. Choose to focus. Choose to keep refocussing when things get blurry. They will. You would do well to remember, to know, to believe that having focus will make a big difference to you. It does. Think about when you have applied a bit of focus. Focus on what you want to be in the future. Remember the time when you have done that? So often what you have focused on in the future has come to pass. Getting your nursing registration. Getting hooked up with spouse. Having four boys like your brother. Not having a mill stone mortgage. Not working 9 -5. Riding the LEL. Riding the PBP. Getting the SR award. When you have turned your mind to something you genuinely want history proves you have more often than not attained it. Focus works. Do not be afraid of the commitment it needs. To decide. To say . To accept that this is what I want.

*Big message for you here. Wanting stuff is nothing to feel guilty about. Wanting stuff is not a weakness. It has helped you to get places. You have not wanted enough. *

You have denied or suppressed your wants and wishes.That's an insight from ten years from now. Let go of that. Know that it's okay to want stuff! It can do you a lot of good. You know you've always said you're not aspirational? Perhaps that's because you have felt it was wrong to want stuff. It's not wrong! Wanting stuff is a way of feeling purpose and direction. Perhaps that's what you should think about. What do you want to be? What do you want to have achieved ten years from now.

Focus on what you want. It does not make you inherently selfish. That's because others will benefit for the focus you apply to attaining what you want. Your desires. your aspirations. It's that part of yourself that you have denied. That you have concealed. Felt bad about. Felt like it would expose you as a needy person. As selfish. You have been mistaken about that.