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The Defeatedness of Sleep

Gods, oh gods, I hate construction work, near my house. Who can fucking sleep or meditate with that damn nail gun, vacuum cleaner, hammering going on? It's just not the same as total silence. So, we wake up earlier to get in the daily hour - and now I'm sleep deprived. Yeesh. You can feel how it brings out my victim.

I still went pretty deep this morning, touching that "self as cosmic fire" part I love, that resonates with the gods, that I want to incarnate more... then there's something about sleep deprivation that makes it much harder to retain that thread throughout the day. It's not even that serious, I got over seven hours. At first I thought it was just the lack of etheric recuperation, which is true, to a degree. But being totally honest, there's a part of me whining, "Oh, I can't be in Cosmic Fire right now, I'm too tired, I'll exhaust my etheric and burn out, it's just too hard without sleep..." A subtle shuddering, a whimpering little "no! ouch! not now!" hiding in the heart... it's really this that keeps me out of Cosmic Fire, fullness of connection, like I've enjoyed several days this week - and from pushing further. Hmm... perhaps an added awareness of lightness, peripheral opening, and softness in the heart can let that be held while in more connected states of DA.

But at the end of the day, I need more sleep... I'm always tired when I wake up, even after 8-9 hours. Exploring horizontal practices and presencing sleep states may help, feeling the Ego in peripherality... On a related note, had some cool dreams, recently.

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