Well well... stayed up until 4:30 am working on a song, and then listening to it, woke up at 1 pm and had to meditate in the heart of the construction cacophony. Honestly, reacting to the sounds pulls me out more than the actual sounds, depending on the size of the reaction; and of course, having to shift around because of my right leg pulls me out too. Though that leg goes dead more on days when I'm not as deeply in the space... vicious circles. And yet - there was still Thunder in my column, in my meditation! A knowing - it's always there. Was able to pull myself together resting on this solidness, denseness - it's always worth meditating, even when it seems totally pointless, like I'd be bashing my head against a wall, doomed to feel no connection and only OMC... all distraction. Just sit, and let the magic happen.
Another great session, with Annie. I love having advanced students as connector/practitioner! I can ride on their structures and connection, and have my depth of experience matched and brought to fuller awareness through their knowledge of the theoretical framework - and of course, a noetic resonance from being in the spaces together. Points to the power of theory and experience combined.
Before going in, a discussion - once you have the experience a regression story is leading you to, the story drops, it's not important... it's OMC... constructions to process the non-dimensional, beyond the ordinary and physical, mind-blowing vastness of consciousness. On that note...
Soporific spaces. A blending of the massive Sun inside, in the heart, and the deep, dissolving pralaya quality of Cosmic Night Darkness. An inner sound, so far away... my consciousness streched far beyond its usual bandwidth. A white-gold space, in the heart... at connector's prompting, don't just observe from the periphery, be the space! What does it bring up in me? A vaaaaaassstttt opening, a huuugggeeee softness... a gentle joy... it's universal and personal, me, at the same time... hmm, this is always there, it's what every tradition of the Ego would lead me to! A part of my spiritual character, attached to Archive connections because it feels they're the only way to my Ego, my Self... feeling that these vast, impersonal, universal forces are something external, something out there I tune into... when in fact, many times when I think I'm tuning into a connection, I'm tuning into myself. Not the first realization of this kind...
So, why this tradition, then? Vows, commitments, views of the future... where do all these fit, in this space? It feels... like a tradition is this link between the universal and the personal, both on an individual level and on a cosmic one - especially as at these levels, individual and cosmic are so closely intertwined. What a fascinating paradox - one way that is a leading to where all ways meet. And in myself - a universal beingness that has a me-ness at the center, a centering principle presencing this infinite periphery... a force connecting my universal nature above with my tiny, day-to-day "self" and actions below. And, in this incarnating force of will, action... a tradition provides pathways for the will of the Ego to land, to carry out acts with significance in the spiritual and the physical realms. Through resonance with spiritual forces, the Ego's force can be fully born on Earth.
But we're not done yet, space traveler... expanding, deepening, dissolving even further, to a sheer pure Whiteness... atom of the heart, white line at the center of the thunderwand. Ah, yes, here we are again! Stretching infinitely up and down... expanding into a space with more dimension, but how much? Cosmic Night around, principle of the Absolute within, forever and ever... a flow up the central channel is being opened, washing away closing in the heart, flowing more naturally and effortlessly, with great softness and ease, from the depth of Solar and Night opening and softness. Washing, expanding... to another space of great musicality, like my own song is surrounded by millions of millions of others, in this White Light... hmm, connector's prompting - what's the difference, between this space and the usual gearing of my subtle bodies? There's usually a separation, like I can only ever feel my own song and that's it... principle of separation from the entire universe. Prompting, can I let myself be all the other songs too? Expanding, feeling... no, there's too many! But in their song-ness, they are all One, and I can Be all the songs. Yet somehow, I can still feel Me... a centering thread, principle, point of presence that feels like me, expanding and combinesscing with this massive, transcendental whiteness, songs and song-ness within and all around. The one song at the beginning, the Song of Creation... infinite Darkness, White Light birthed from it. My God... this Light is so beautiful, I could cry! So Divine... so touching, regenerating, opening. It's a totally different meaning of being a person, a human, an individual, connector helping me see - when one shines, the entire song-ness, all of us in this transcendental Whiteness, shines. This Light... it's everywhere, in everything, and yet beyond it all at the same time... a boundary of Cosmic Night between the creation and the Uncreated. But not a separation, since it's in everything everywhere all at once all the time... paradoxes in Highness! The awakening of the Night, of sopor... allowing a sound-ness, a light-ness, a thread and inner sound to this space remain in the atom, an ever broadening depth in dynamic awareness. Sloooowwllyyy... spreading back into the vehicles... coming back. snap
Postscript - letting personal issues and emotions be cooked in the fire of dynamic awareness allows IST to go to the metaphysical depths. Rather than remaining at the shallower astral levels, we dive straight into the source. Really pushing awareness in the atom to a constant awareness of connection, with inner sound, light, even space-ness contained in the fully functional dot, resting on and held by the expanses, levity and myriad mysteries above the head. Qualities above the head resonating with qualities in the atom - when atom awareness approaches its fullness, awareness above the head feels quite a natural and effortless continuation. Allowing qualities and connections to shine through, landing in greater intensity as they will at times. Feeling the greater, expanded me-ness that resonates, shines through, is ever-present; pushing dynamic awareness to awareness of the Ego. I wonder... what would awareness of the Self in daily life be like?