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In your heart is a thought

In your heart is a thought.

It's safe there. It may be frightening or it may be thrilling or it may be dangerous or it may be all of the above. But you can keep it there.

Or can you?

It smolders in there. You can hold it for a little bit without doing yourself harm but eventually, eventually, the smoke is going to rise.

You can keep swallowing it down, hoping that thought puts itself out eventually. Maybe it will. Of course, it might start something else while it's in there. That's a risk you'll have to take.

Or… you could speak it… into reality.

What once was frightening is now terrifying. What once was thrilling is now orgasmic. What once was dangerous is now destructive.

And you can't take it back once you've spoken it. It's there. The smoldering thought is a raging fire now! What are you going to do? What are you going to do?

You should have never let it out, you should have kept it inside, you should have kept the world safe from its intensity. It's too much, it's far too much.

You should have just let it consume you instead.

Being

I'm overflowing with joy at the idea that I’m finally going to have a chance to put it all aside and just… be.

I’m going to leave it all behind—well, okay, most of it behind—no work, nobody depending on me, and just be physically close to someone I love very much for a few days.

I have pictures of us from the last time I saw them and I love looking at our smiles. I know last time inside and out because we’ve talked about it, I’ve thought about it, so much since then.

I’ve been looking forward to this for awhile and I think we both really need it. I’m hoping my troubles don’t intrude too much.

We’ve both gone through so much since then. I’m trying not to compare, of course. But the truth is that we’ve both been kept down for awhile now. They tell me I’ve helped keep them together. I hope they know they've done the same for me.

Please let us have this for these few days. We deserve it; we are good people with good hearts and we deserve to be.

Is this a good idea?

I made this.

I am not yet sure I want to keep it.

I have things I want to say, things I don't want to keep quiet about, but I want to feel completely safe.

I could lose so much.

And I am not ready to lose what I love.