Capitaine Tulipe

A teacher without a job who tries to stay creative in the most casual way possible.

Atelier d'écriture Centre : Pourquoi ? Parce que.

Pourquoi est-ce que je suis si perturbé quand tu me regardes ? Parce que j'ai les larmes aux yeux quand je suis heureuse. Pourquoi est-ce si naturel de danser et pourtant si difficile par moments ? Parce qu'on s'en fout. Pourquoi les jours qui passent dépassent les nuits qui durent ? Parce que les sentiments d'appartenance sont parfois renversants. Pourquoi quand on mange vite il ne se passe plus rien ? Parce que ce matin j'ai été au bois, te chercher les fraises sauvages du Berry. Pourquoi ...
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All on display

I live in the city center. Not the kind of city center with nice cafés and greenery, but the kind of city center that feels like a huge shopping mall. During the day, it’s full of shoppers, it smells of capitalism, marketing, excessive consumption and impulsive decisions. During the night, another crowd comes in. Drugs and sex work, mostly. There is this spot, just next to the parking building, where all these women just stand in line. Sometimes they just look at me, sometimes they talk to me. N...
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Living in my bubble

I've discovered this amazing clip for myself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ferZnZ0_rSM The whole video is amazing of course, but the first track is a winneeeer! I'm sitting at my desk while my oldest friend is spontaneously visiting and already sleeping on the couch. Having someone in the room sleeping is kind of amazing. Her presence limits the activities I can do, which helps me prioritise and realise what I really want to do before going to bed. I can focus, be in my bubble and feel good...
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Setting priorities (again), or the hierarchy of needs

What are the most important human needs? The beginning of the answer is pretty easy I think: air, sleep, food and water. And then movement: easy to forget, but very much right there in that first layer of most basic human needs. But what comes next? Stability or security maybe? A home, money? Or is it rather something coming from the inside, like self-love, self-acceptance, self-reflection or self-knowledge? Those sound pretty important to me. But what is more important? Having a bed to sleep in...
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Is it lack of self-love or oppression?

Over the past few days I've felt massively shaken, for no specific reason. I've felt weak, tired, useless, worthless. And while listening to Billie Eilish's new single ("Your Power"), I connect more with those feelings of why. It comes from a lack of self-love, combined with structures that are here to oppress us, to keep us in control. To not loose the power. To keep "order". If I'm miserable and on my own, stuck on instagram for longer than what I wanted and sleep-deprived, I won't change the ...
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I am made for the morning

--originally written in June 2020-- Especially when I worry, it is easy to not sleep. And my brain is wired in a way that makes worrying easy. And thus, I wait, and think, and do, until the morning comes – and now assured that life will go on, that not everything will stop overnight, I can sleep. I say good night to the birds that are starting their day, I contemplate the lake that is so full of light already (and probably very cold), and I go to bed, feeling safe that I will wake up to the sam...
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On setting priorities

Today I watched a video about productivity, and the guy at some point said: "at any given moment you are doing what you most want to be doing". I'm not sure that's entirely true, but I guess starting to question that sentence is a great example of missing the point. I struggle to keep my priorities straight. And by now, I wish I'd know better to respect my needs and follow my priorities. On the bottom of the pyramid, there is sleep and food. Then, security (having a safe, comfortable home; ha...
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A feeling of deep joy

Parfois on redécouvre des notes des semaines ou des mois plus tard, sans du tout savoir de quoi il s'agissait. John Green a écrit un épisode de podcast à ce sujet, "Notes App". Le podcast s'appelle "The Anthropocene Reviewed" et voici l'épisode en question (en anglais) : https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/anthropocene-reviewed/episodes/anthropocene-reviewed-notes-app-and-sports-rivalries Voici donc l'intégralité de cette note du 3 janvier 2021, à 0h53 : « Aglaé : les couleurs du ciel, le ve...
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Wie ich mir die Zähne brach

Ich werde oft gefragt, wie ich mir die Schneidezähne gebrochen habe. Und vorallem, wie das auch dreimal passiert ist. Die eigentlich Geschichte ist etwas lang, gar nicht so spannend und zwar etwas lustig, aber auch irgendwie nicht. Deswegen habe ich mir was ausgedacht: Ich saß auf Toilette und musste groß. Mir sind die Beine eingeschlafen – was nicht selten passiert, weswegen ich die Konsequenzen davon massiv unterschätzt habe – und beim Aufstehen bin ich nach vorne gestürzt und habe den Waschb...
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Und du, was hast du heute gemacht?

Warum ist es morgens immer so kompliziert? Wie fühlst du dich? Wer bist du? Wie stehst du dazu? Warum bin ich müde? Kann ich mich wieder umdrehen? Kannst du mich in Ruhe lassen? Aber kannst du mich trotzdem kuscheln? Hast du Lust? Oder nur Hunger? ...
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And so are you (a loving dialogue)

JOYFRIEND Hier ein Gedicht was ich für dich geschrieben hab: Bae is rocking their day ICH omg ich IM PLO DIE RE Roses are red Violets are blue You're pretty great And so are you ...
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The Privacy Series – compressed

Structure Originally I had planned a whole series of articles: Intro Why I care about privacy Easy steps to make it better NOW (and some ressources) How I changed from Windows to Linux How I removed Google from my phone entirely (I think) In the end I'm just publishing the drafts, them being longer for the first bits (intro, 2. and 3.) and veeery short for the last two. ========== 1. Intro This whole series it not going to happen anymore, because I'm not motivated to make something that ...
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Les courbatures

J'aime bien avoir des courbatures. Les courbatures, c'est comme la confirmation d'un accord. Un accord entre mon corps et mon esprit de travailler dur. Et mon être dans son entièreté se retrouve rappelé de l'accord que j'ai passé avec moi-même et de la complétion de cet accord. C'est agréable. Chaque mouvement, quand je vais me coucher, me dit : « Tu as le droit d'aller te coucher. Tu as fait assez. Repose-toi. » Musique : "If I Had You" du Teddy Wilson Trio + Jo Jones sur l'album "Complete ...
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Encore un lever de soleil

En écoutant « Relaxin' » de Jo Jones et Willie "The Lion" Smith (de leur double-album "The Lion and the Tiger"), je regarde la lumière se faire tout doucement autour de moi. D'un côté le ciel rougit, près à s'échauffer pour le sprint quotidien, et d'un autre la lune refuse d'aller se coucher, brillant fort et se découpant nettement d'un arrière-fond qui n'est plus si sombre. Les arbres autour de moi se balancent tranquillement dans cette très légère brise matinale. Il est déjà 6 h, l'heure où be...
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Feeling hopeless

Dear friend, I am writing to you in English because of the few languages I know, it is the most gender neutral one. I am exhausted. The list of things that depress me is so long, that I don't understand why I should go to bed tonight, and why I should get up tomorrow. Maybe because somehow, we have to continue? Maybe because there are people I love and people who love me? Maybe because I belong to the most privileged people in this world and should use that privilege to serve the people who suff...
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A little introduction

Originally I had started writing a few tutorials about de-googling your phone, privacy 101 for beginners, that kind of stuff. But being the perfectionist that I am, I just never got behind finishing any of those articles. Or even if I have finished some, I have't re-edited them, etc. So, anyway, not happening. So I changed strategies: I'm just going to have a personal blog. Whatever I feel like writing, I'll just write. We'll see where this leads us. ...
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