Is it lack of self-love or oppression?

Over the past few days I've felt massively shaken, for no specific reason. I've felt weak, tired, useless, worthless. And while listening to Billie Eilish's new single ("Your Power"), I connect more with those feelings of why. It comes from a lack of self-love, combined with structures that are here to oppress us, to keep us in control. To not loose the power. To keep "order". If I'm miserable and on my own, stuck on instagram for longer than what I wanted and sleep-deprived, I won't change the world.

In the meantime, I'm suffocating in my cage. The system has successfully managed to convince some of the people around me that using nail polish and make-up would be wrong. Or only okay if I was gay. And those things need to be defined, in detail. We need to be categorised.

I want more freedom. I want to wear skirts and sandals. I want to die my hair. Maybe have a tattoo. I want other people to be free to do the same. And for those who are already free to do the same, I want them to be really free: not judged for doing too much or not enough.

And I'm accepting all of this. This oppression. Because I don't know how to fight back. And somewhere, a part of me is busy feeling insecure. So I don't fight, because I'm not sure I have a right to. Who am I to decide what I'm entitled to? Well, myself. I'm actually quite well-informed.

Standing up for yourself is tiring when you're fighting both on the inside and the outside.

Let's try to fight on the outside. Inside, we just heal, love, and play.