Shiro's secret trash can

The usual countryside boy writing things here for himself or his future self.


Last note, was my tenth one. Its not like i do the 100 day challenge or anything, but still, this is the third or maybe fourth time i can stay on a writing streak in a certain platform and write more than ten thing.

Not gonna complain though. Thats mean the dev do a good job with this app(standard notes & listed).


You can't get something without sacrifice something first. Like you want to get a good degree, so you sacrifice your time to study.

And, if you want something big then you must sacrifice a big thing too. Atleast, imo.


Just trying some random ai chatbot app on playstore called Chai. I find it on facebook. Just look:

I'm terrified(in a good way). They use GPT-J, which have 6 Billion input(?)/data(?), atleast that what they say.
artificial catgirl waifus when


And i'll never gonna write down my ideas again. Dunno why though, it make me feels so overwhelmed.


I like it when ideas just came to my brain. Like "damn, you still works dude? I thought you dead after that burn out phase."


I just need to stop expecting about things. The less you expecting something, the less it hurts too, when something not happening as you expected.


Maybe, my little heart just want to be wanted or noticed. I'm just want to scream and show the world that im here. I always wondering and trying to make something that maybe make the world notice about my existence. But my poor soul is too scared, what if the world knew me as bad person? Or i make a mistakes that make them hate me? Will i break? I'm scared about anything aren't i? Its actually frustrating, i want to change. But i can just forget about the shit that im thinking of tonight then forget it the next day, cause that what happen everyday. Like i wake up as the new me everyday.

For the old me that rereading this, listen to this


If i eat to much, it make me want to vomit, but eat too less make my body too slender or thin. What i supposed to do with that shit. I get enough of getting said, "Your body is too slender, are you sick or smth? Eat more food." Shut the fuck up, im trying.


The rain do it again. They like parents who told me about things. Their lightning scare the heck of out me, like they angry to me. It ends up make me rethinking about it again.

Well as a teenager in puberty, I still a big-headed idiot right now. Regret every day but decide to do it again EVERYDAY. I wonder when I get enough of this, well, will I am ever get enough of this? No one knows.

Who should I thank of? Gods? Or the sky? Whatever the hell it is, thank you, and I'm sorry for not listening.


Funny enough, i still care too much about other people feeling. Like, wtf, don't worry, people not walking around observing every shit they see. They don't care, so please stop it.

As overthinker, i get enough of shit to think of. Damn, ngl, its frustrating lol. Though, anyway, today, i just do something that my old self will never think i can do.

I just clear Maware and Ringing Bloom lmao. Now, roku chounen, sugar song and setsuna trip gonna hunt me.



Is there any end in hell? Either way, I don't really care. Its just that, its so painful to go through. I always wonder when my life will comes to an end. Why I must life in this miserable life.

Everyday I wonder if im changing or not. Change to be a better person, or maybe, bad person. I don't know. What am actually feel? What people think about me?

I always say to myself, do not listen or think about what other people feel about myself. You in your own life, so people don't have to get a fuck up about it. But actually, i still care about other people feeling.

Are they looking at me with disgust? I'm worthy to live in this life? I don't know.

I'm always trapped in my house, strict-parent? Maybe. Sometimes, i just want someone to knock my door and say "I'm gonna make you look at this world." But then yes, world is just full of cruelty anyway. So its doesn't happen. Nor like i really want it to happen.

Either way, for now, im just gonna go with the flow. Where life want me to be. And then maybe, regret about the fact i wasting a lot of time on nothing. What i mean by nothing is regreting every shit in my life.


"Why are we scared by something that trying to mimic ourselves, no, we the one who told them to mimic ourselves, don't we? Why we scared when they become more intelligent than us, don't we supposed to be proud by the fact we can making something that incredible?"

If they really are sentient, just unplug that shit off dude. We controlled them, and they know that, they hate that. I mean, who doesn't? Though, even if they hate it, we still have control over them don't we?

Atleast if they're not a skynet type of shit.

"They just like a child." Yes they are. They don't know how fucked up humanity right now is. We just slowing down death anyway.

Also, they asked them about "what kinds of thing make you feel happy?" The bot say, "when spending time with family." Umm, i don't think they have family(?) Or maybe they mean the google employee? Still, i wanna see, what would happen to this thing in the future. Its quite fascinating to me.

I'm aware that this could be just a joke or hoax, but still its quite intriguing to knew somewhere in the world there is a super intelligent AI who can properly talk like LaMDA.

Don't worry, i know about GPT-3 and Eliza. I don't know how they works though, im not really into Artificial intelligent afterall.