Ishan Das Sharma

@ishands

17 | Philosophy, Prose and Code | Exploring the uncharted waters, living life on the offbeat path.

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Wishes

Would I be happy
If I could forever
Give up the melancholy
That unfulfilled wishes bring?

It's not that they are unfulfilled
Rather they are set in points
Far away in time
And as the days blend into each other

It seems as though
Those wishes will take
An eternity longer than life
To fully materialize

Maybe giving up wishing
Would not be so bad
And living a life of contentment
Might not make me sad

But this sadness that is born
From wishes unfulfilled
Does give birth to a certain hope
Which promptly gets killed

By society and circumstance
Which rule over me
Maybe if I gave up wishing
Then I would be truly free.

Noctis

One night, she came to me
And made my world her own
I am Noctis, said she nonchalantly
I am here now

Her tone of voice, nor her intentions
Were understood by me
Though she could have been malicious
I still felt quite free

Every night, she came to visit
As consciousness sliped away
And she held my hand
Until the light of day

At first light she would disappear
As ethereally as she had come
And no trace would be left of her
To welcome in the dawn

As she visited every night
We conversed more and more
And I felt my body lighten
Though it was still sore

Some nights, nonchalant Noctis
Would materialize from inside me
Escaping my subconscious
And bring me a nosegay

And tell me not to worry
In her usual manner of speech
For a moment, she would seem motherly
Yet she would still be out of my reach

I could not touch her, though
As she held me in her gentle embrace
And darkness would flow
And circulate away from my consciousness

Noctis, to me, was always an enigma
And I grew quite fond of her
Though her ethereal being bore an unspoken stigma
Almost as if she was afraid to be there

Seventeen days ago
I turned off the electrical light
I went to bed, without much uproar
But no Noctis came that night

She never came back
Without any warning
My oasis of affection
And I was left mourning

Today

There's days like today
That I hold very dear
It's not yet May
But the heat's already here

And on days like these
The afternoons feel endless
I wander through my mind's maze
Time passes by, effortless

But on today especially
I wanted the afternoon to stretch on
Like a dream, fantastically
Unfortunately, life goes on

A Day Like Any Other

2/7/18

There is a certain air

That lurks about today

A feeling of despair

That I can't quite shake away

I feel that I will be able

To face the challenges ahead

If only my thoughts remain stable

"I can do it", so I said

I believe in no god

Yet there is something left unsaid

Even if all my endeavors end up to be for naught

I will never stop moving ahead

Figments

Have you ever felt as powerless
As when your mental monsters made manifest
A darkness more all-consuming,
Than the brightest of the
Sun-kissed places?

Have you ever wandered on
Through the dark caves in your brain
In the valleys between the trees
Where wretched thoughts live rent-free?

Did you think you could go alone
With a head of steel and a heart of stone
To fight the demons in your head
That feed on spectre-shaded lead?

Do not stare into the abyss
Where even the bravest dare not stray
Wide, gaping, impossible to miss
Let not your curiosity betray

For all you see are but figments
Of an imagination diseased
Cursed forever to feel too deeply
And see things that do not exist.

Dry Eyes

I'm fed up with mornings
Is all I can say
I'm filled with mourning
At the start of each day

Well, the word, mourning, honestly
Is inaccurate, for it is, rather
a wish to never wake again, mostly
since I lost my beloved father.

Depression is terrible--
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy
Cures exist, but, thanks random people
Stigma surrounds the remedy

Within my mind, I feel like a toy
For I cannot tell
The difference between joy
And a heartbreaking spell

My friends, they say,
It's all in my head
There's absolutely no way
I could be sad and depressed

"You have a good life", says one
Blessed are the unaware.
"Be thankful. Everything isn't gone"
Kind words are met with emotionless stares.

The curse is such
That all feelings blend
Into nothing much
But the same things again

It's not that I'm sad all the time
In fact I barely ever cry
For even during moments most sublime
My eyes stay dry

Insomnia

One day
An eternity from now
The last star will burn out
And like a beautiful firework
Scatter its stardust.

Life indeed is a miracle
For we are all made of stardust
That just happened to be
In the right place
At the right time

That day
The universe will die
And the miracle of life will be undone

And all the times we had together
Every touch, every kiss, every
Single time you caressed me
Will all be forgotten

There will be no one left--
Not one soul
To remember us--
To remember mankind.

Beloved, then,
Will our love be gone,
Forever?

But space and time are elastic
They bend and stretch
In fantastically unimaginable ways
Curving, looping, and forever expanding

And many eternities later
Should there be born another universe
With another Earth
Will the two of us meet again?

Will we be born in separate eras?
Will we ever meet?
And even then will we feel,
Like we know each other
And will we have the same love?
Or will it be a different kind of love?

Or will we be strangers,
Passing down the street
Will by chance our glances meet?
Will we feel a passing familiarity?

Is this what deja Vu truly is?
The universe conspiring, constantly trying
Through fleeting memories of a past life
To get the same things to happen
Over and over again?

But then
Does that not make us all
Star-crossed lovers?
Predestined to live out
The same lives over and over?

Beloved, you ask me everyday
If I slept well
And everyday I lie
Because these unanswerable questions
Keep me up all night.

Donne's Dream

How do the tragedies
Of a million lives unknown
Fill my head with maladies
Uncannily set in stone?

How does the long-lost feeling
Of a longing so profound
Become, itself, oh-so-appealing
That my priorities come unwound?

There is a brotherhood
Unique to our holocene
Truly, no man is an island
As Donne had imagined in his dreams

To be incomplete, forever
Is the fate of the Human Endeavour.
And though the spectacles have been sublime
Empathy has not been washed away by Time.