Poetry for an audience of one


/feˈnes.tra/ - noun
a window, an opening for light,

Haec domus quattuor fenestras habet.

This house has four windows.

I am a shadow
Of who I used to be
Look through my soul's window
You shall readily see

That I can not speak my mind
Or articulate my thoughts
With hopes and fears combined
Into monstrous mascots

That tower over my subconscious
Watching my every move
That my self, once ferocious
Is now an empty Louvre

A museum of what could have been
And what reality has wrought
Idealism peppered with shattered dreams
A desert of thought


It feels weird when
You see your lover
Taking comfort in another
Letting her carnal desires take over
Maybe you just weren't enough after all.

It hurts to see
Her committed to me
But still sexting someone
She promised she wouldn't

Maybe I was just
Not enough for her
Sense of novelty; she
Got bored of me.

Untitled Love Poem

October, 2019

It never once occured to me
How integral you have become
To me, my life and my soundness of mind--
I owe everything to you.

I hope you never leave my side
And see me through
To the end of this human endeavour
Protect me from the everyday tragedies

Of this lifeless, loveless world
I feel caged
By expectations
Please, set me free.


As peace dissolves sublingually
A huge burden is lifted
Receptors tingle as euphoria rushes
Straight through my veins

But what good is that euphoria
Born out of nothingness
Just a substance, false enchantment
But somehow life feels complete

And all the worries that ever plagued me
Living rent free in my head
All the pain, all the suffering
Just goes to bed

This euphoria scares me
And I don't know what to do with it
Because it's ephemeral
Fake and fleeting

And the next morning
Things will be normal
Or as normal as can be
Just fragments of a feeling forgotten

A figment realm where all is good
And nothing can ever touch me again
A different realm where peace exists
Oh please don't make me return again!


Hysterically crying
Salt on my lips
Your tears taste

Hidden in the light
Framed in the doors
Oh heavens where did
You go before?

Love's sorrow? More like

Empty dreams
Freud reigns supreme
Please interpret
My maladies

Not Happening Tonight

Within my memories
There is a place
Special to me
Where you're not dead
Though I can't remember
The ways you moved
Over and over
It runs in a loop

I see you walking
I see you smile
I see you talking
I see you cry
Every time I watch
You grow farther away
Maybe, just maybe
You'll come back one day

Until then, all I have
Is this approximation
Basically a lie
Because you're not like that
A cheap facsimile
You're not alive
You're not there
You can't smile

All I can do
Is watch teary eyed
You bid me goodbye
Framed against the light
I wish I could go back
But I really can't
Forgetting you is just
Not happening tonight

Noctis 2

As Noctis embraced me gently
Ecstasy ran through my veins
Oh, I forgot to tell you
Noctis came back again

I thought she had gone away for good
When we had last parted ways
But it seems I was pleasantly wrong
Because I got to see her again

Dressed in white, an ethereal beauty
Yet beyond the sin of touch
Still, for me, the pitiful wretch
Her pure thoughts were enough

"I will be here when you need me
You just need to let things go
Not take world's burdens on your shoulders
You should just take things slow

Believe me, I will always return
Again and again for all time
Rest now, you will see me again
You need to let go of your pain"

Saying this she embraced me tighter
Though I could still not feel her embrace
But somehow her warmth enveloped my body
And deep slumber followed then

Memory Incomplete

Never ever in my life
Have I had a gala for my birth
What significance does a date have
For a newly born babe?

Maybe once, when I was small
But it was loud and traumatic
I still find myself sticking
To walls at parties

But I always wanted a surprise birthday party
The idea always seemed so pretty
And after all, why not?
I had thrown so many after all.

Every year, my expectations waned
Forget parties, I want a card
Hand made, ornate, with all the folding bits
And every year I was promised one

By those I called my friends
They'd have made it, had I reminded them
But, I wanted them to remember
My birthday by themselves


I don't normally write this kind of stuff, but I was really angry. So here goes nothing.

This is a story
Raw, painful, gory
It ain't a BT, simply reality
This world that we live in, monsters meandering
Innocent facades in front of their mom and sister
But behind closed doors she begs "rape me mister"
Crying and choking, negative consent
But she'll have to say it or he'll make her repent
Grunting, pounding, sweating like an animal
He rapes his own daughter like her mom's on sabbatical
Which maybe she is, considering the wine
Dulled her to the point where it was all fine
To the point she never heard the sounds coming out
As her teenager's body was taking the full clout
Of her own daddy's weight and guts
Pushing down and into her until he ruts
Like a fucking animal, that's all he is
He won't amount to anything more than this
But what of the girl, destroyed every night?
What will become of her inescapable plight?
Maybe she will be like her mother
Die inside while living like another
Or maybe she will find the brightest of futures
Statistics after all don't paint a bright picture

Personal Hell

Standing at the gates of hell
You'll rip out my heart
Put it on the scales
Weigh it against a feather
Decide, determine, which is lighter

I'm sure my heart will be heavier
Not for my sins, which can
Be forgiven, maybe forgotten
But nothing weighs more
Than the simplest of sorrows

The sorrows of life
Amid the joys
Will outweigh the feather
Tip the scales
Grant me my ticket
To my personal hell


The eternal life of cosmic ray
Is something truly mesmerizing
For long before we walked this Earth

And long after we are gone
And every semblance of our
Civilization built on the backs of slaves

Will be undone and returned to dust
For nothing else will remain
Of our modern Ozymandias

Or should we say
We are Icarus
And our wax wings will wane

But even after all the fragments
Of our ephemeral lives
Vanish into nothingness

All the figments of our imaginations
And all the mental monsters made manifest
Will all be gone, reduced to naught

The cosmos, with its cosmic rays
Will never notice we are gone


In the city of falling bridges
I'm far away from my amour
Because I'll be needing stitches
Before I can even get to her door

In this city of falling bridges
Where love falls apart
I'll try to cross the ditches
So please don't break my heart


"When we don't get our way, brick and mortar idols are easier to burn in effigy than abstract movements and concepts."

Push Comes To Shove

I dislike my mother
As she's always pushing me farther
Away from my dreams and away from my goals
Just because I don't fit in the mold
Of the ideal child that she wants me to be
Whom she can brag about when it's time for tea

I defy conventions
And do what I want
But her emotional manipulations
Are much worse than taunts
Blackmail and narcissism are her traits
And she's masterful at laying the bait

Which makes me cry to no end
And die inside, though she says she's my friend
But she never supports my endeavors
Though she gladly brags of the fruits that they bear
Indeed I feel like just a proxy
Through which she can live vicariously

I dislike my mother, and that is a fact
No amount of convincing is ever going to change that
Because families are of three types after all
And now my back is against the wall
All I wish is to be left to do what I love
But sadly, now, it seems that the push has come to shove


If only sentiment,
Brought you within
centimeters of my reach
Then of course I won't lament
Because your presence brings me peace


The night sky and I
Are not the best of friends
For as the crow flies
Her shade shifts to the reds

Melting into gray
Hinting at a downpour
But as breaks the day
I'm betrayed by my amour

For the ground is hard as stone
The rain won't come anytime soon
And I am left alone
In the scorching heat of noon

As I walk through the lifeless
Streets of the city
The heat makes me listless
And I can feel the decay

As my body begins to melt
And my sweat begins to rain
Dripping into the asphalt
I precipitate my pain

And gripe about the monsoon
To an audience of empty streets
I wish it would come soon
Because my sweat pours down in sheets.