Oh ... Hello, World

Why hello there, dear subscriber. I'm not sure I am quite ready for you yet, but there you are. And I was so sure I still had some time before someone would be reading these words. Ah well, to borrow Vonnegut's words (and buy some time before putting down more of my own): so it goes. Let me thank you and apologise. Thank you, because without that mail announcing your existence; I might not be typing this right now. It's late, there is still some work to do, I am incredibly tired, and I'm not particularly inspired. If I was writing only for myself, I would probably prefer convenience over consistency. It is thanks to you that I am here instead.

Still, as far as letting go goes, I will allow myself to be a bit lazy today. I will choose something that is easy to let go of. (Mind you, it was not easy to find something easy.) In reviewing my to do-lists, I started taking out activities for the explicit purpose of this letting go-exercise and writing them down in a separate note. In doing so, I came to the conclusion that it's not really tasks or hobbies that I am trying to let go off. What I really want to let go off are identities. After all, it is my attachment to these identities, and to the stories I create around them, that is causing most of my suffering. So I started grouping my activities according to the role or identity they belong to, and eliminated the one that appealed to me the least. That is to say, today I am letting go of my (desired) identity as a smart investor. Somewhere at the end of last year I got the idea into my head that I should be doing something "smart" with my savings and that keeping all of them on a savings account was not it. I went to a bank, had a talk with one of their people about investments, opened an account, took home some folders, and ... nothing. Since then, this has been sitting in the back of my mind as something that still needs to be taken care of. (Which makes me wonder about David Allen's statement that writing things down on a to do-list keeps them out of your mind.) The funny thing is, I never really cared a lot about making tons of money. I have the incredible fortune that I never needed to worry about money, that I could live very comfortably with my current salary for the rest of my life, and that I have the required degrees and skills to ensure job security. So why giving away my peace of mind to try and make more money, especially if I don't enjoy the process? I suppose this is why most millionaires also seem to never have enough, which is something I never really understood up until now. So at least I gained a new perspective out of the worrying. No mud, no lotus.

Side note: in the middle of writing this post, I got a call from my Red Cross division to help out with an appartment fire in Antwerp. I met with some colleague volunteers at the our base in Merksem, and even though we did not even make it out of the city before the alarm got called off, I realized again that I want to hold on to this identity as a first aid responder a bit longer. Even though this time I did nothing but change into my uniform and drive a for a few minutes, I'm perfectly satisfied with the knowledge that I could have helped if things turned out worse. No regrets about wasted time. No regrets about going to work tired tomorrow. Good. Okay, okay, I admit I also did enjoy driving around town with lights and sirens. Seems like my inner child is in perfect health. Now to take care of the adult and get some sleep. Good night!

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