February screen time (desktop): 126 hours, 39 minutes
February screen time (mobile): 23 hours, 17 minutes
I wish I could get rid of my laptop. It's a beauty, this Thinkpad T440p that I bought cheaply used on eBay. It has a lot of USB ports and a CD/DVD drive which is a nice feature to have (but I've never used, tbh). It runs everything I need it to, at a fast enough speed that doesn't cause frustration. It plays HD video with no buffering. I could probably even game on it. And yet, I still want to get rid of it. It's convenient... but too convenient. Ever since I started dual-booting with Linux I've been cheating on the detox. I feel like I've been lying to this blog (and to myself - I've been doing this for a couple days now). Sometimes I get an hour or two of Reddit in, which is very CLEARLY against the rules. And for some reason, RescueTime isn't counting the hours spent on the other OS so there's probably a good chunk of screen time unaccounted for. I have no desire to bend these rules for myself - mindless scrolling is NOT good for me, mentally, or physically. I had a good day today, but then I came home and browsed the web for a good couple of hours. Not only that, but I decided to eat a starchy meal and junk food snacks to complement it. Now I have a headache from being stagnant (I also bring my laptop into bed with me which is a big no), eating like shit, and not hydrating. Why did I do that? Now I feel super anxious and am finding it hard to calm down. Ugh.
Nonetheless, as you can tell from my screen time numbers for Feburary, I still spent a LOT of time on my laptop: about 31.5 hours a week, or 4.5 hours a day. Productive or not, those numbers aren't ideal for living a life in alignment with nature, away from screens. It may be the new normal in this day in age, but I won't allow myself to conform to that. My behavior is different when surrounded by screens as compared to not. It reinforces my ADHD and I get more jittery and irritable. And for some reason, it's worse on my laptop than on my phone. It's easier to resist the phone, although it would appear more obvious the other way around. Honestly, all I do on my phone as of now is send quick texts, do Duolingo, and meditate with the Calm app. I'm looking forward to getting the Pixel 2 this week too; I don't think allowing myself to upgrade will change my phone habits much. But maybe I'm not suspicious enough of myself and my addictive tendencies...? We will see. I will definitely be keeping a close eye on myself...
I wonder what's stopping me from getting rid of my laptop. The bonding I've done with it? Everything it allows me to do, such as download media and work on things in the comfort of my own home? The ease of typing notes in class than writing them? However, we have a family desktop computer that I could use. And computer labs on campus. Plus, writing notes by hand is better for memory. And my backpack is lighter without it... I suppose I'll be pondering upon this for the rest of the week. I'd still like to take care of a couple things, and then I will reflect on if I'd like to let it go. I don't even think it's that extreme. People talk about phones as being the devil of technology but fail to mention the laptops and desktops that convince us they're productive, because they're machines required at institutions such as work or school. But not always. I think it's a lot easier to multitask on a computer than it is a phone. I'll be ending the post here, because the more I look at this screen, the more sick I feel. I'm not sure what it is; every since I started spending time away from screens, now when I spend large amounts of time on them, I start feeling physically sick. Where as before, I'd feel sick if I wasn't gaming or watching TV or browsing the web. But sometimes it's like that too. Who knows?