Yesterday's total screen time (mobile/desktop): 2h 21m
Not only does our high-paced high-tech lifestyle offer us an infinite amount of distractions and temptations, but it also allows us to trick ourselves into thinking we're doing a lot better than we actually are. Here, I refer to the amount of self-help and self-improvement resources that claim they'll fill in the missing link you've been missing in your life to reach your goals. And as someone who's guilt-ridden of her lack of self-discipline, for a good portion of my life I researched, watched, and read the vast amount of materials out there. But here's where I stop. Obviously it's not helping, I need a different approach. I feel that after going through a rough period in your life, it's logical to resort to this, but have you ever considered that that's not what you need? I'm realizing this now. I don't need, necesarrily, to be in action 24/7. My soul is lacking, the essence to who I am instead craves a spiritual connection, a spiritual journey. I had a brief stint where I was really into Buddhism, but I've since given it up because my ego resisted it. My ego thinks, "you only live once, live it up!" or "just sitting here is a waste of time when I could be doing other things!" etc etc. But you know what? Forget the ego. Don't listen to it. My true self is shining through, screeching that it needs to connect with Buddhism again. I need to slow down my pace of life, and not try to do too much at once. My immediate aims for the rest of the detox are to establish a meditative habit, invite mindful movement (yoga, tai-chi) into my life and to connect with nature. This is what I need. And this is in direct opposition to the sort of lifestyle I used to live, one that valued stimulation, ecstatic energy, meaningless talk... a very 'worldly' grounded way of living. And being a college student, this is the kind of lifestyle everyone around me lives as well. But I'm not asserting myself over anyone else, but I truly need to break free from it. Feeling isolated is a natural part of it all. And that's what my ego gave into. I wasn't connecting to the majority of people around me, so I dropped my spiritual journey for instant gratification, for an unsustainable excitement. I won't do that again. Man, do I get so tired of putting up a facade, of saving face and looking cool around people my age. I'm getting to the point where I don't always care if I'm the 'weird' one. However, I said 'always' because the other half of the time, I do care. Peer pressure, especially in your 20s, is to be expected. And peer pressure isn't like how they taught us in school, where a group of delinquents are circled around you screaming "do it! do it!" It's much more subtle. But it's real. Peer pressure, societal pressure... it's all distractions. Don't give in.