March 21, 2021•361 words
These days, I can't bring myself to do anything, I don't even bother checking my to-do list at all. When 2021 started, I promised myself that I will do better compared to last year but until now, I haven't progressed a bit. I want to but I just can't find the will to do it. I do it for a week then pretend that I don't see my notifications afterwards.
I guess it's because I feel very restricted at home. There's just no privacy in this place. I want to do things but I can't because my parents always have something to say which will lead us to a stupid argument. In the end, I'll just end up not doing anything at all because I am not in the mood anymore. That one day becomes two then three until I get into the realization that I've been skipping doing it for 3 weeks already. Then I'll feel bad about not being able to keep up my promise to myself and then it will affect my mental health again. I seriously hate it in here. I wish I can do something about it. Too bad, I just started with my job so I still have a long way to go before I can actually move out.
After reading a lot about ways on how I can deal with my triggers, the only choice I have in this situation is to ignore everyone and mind my own thing. So from this moment on, I will ignore whatever my parents will say about the things I do. If I want to study music, I will. If I want to practice my Japanese speaking, I will. I will stop myself from caring about their words. Badmouth me, laugh at me, I won't care anymore. I will only focus on making progress until I achieve my goals. Which brings me to next question, when and how? About that, I still have to brainstorm with myself so I don't know yet the answer for that. What I do know is I will make progress this year. And that I will be writing about it in the future.