Growing.

I'm feeling really good these days at work.

I've been exposed to front-end development since university days but I never realized how big the gap is in my skills until my superior gave me my first task. It was only during my orientation when I learned that the company doesn't use such library so when after receiving my first training activity, I literally stared at my monitor for quite some time. I guess it's because I relied too much on using Bootstrap, the most-used CSS Framework. How am I going to make a navbar from scratch? Obviously, I asked DuckDuckGo (I don't use Google) for help. I came across W3School's navbar tutorial and followed. But the expected design isn't your simple navbar so I had to add my own code. float: right here, float: left there, I already tried everything but still, I can't make it work. Whatever. I pushed it to the repository and waited for my superior's feedback and when it came, I was surprised because my superior said to do everything again because I'm not allowed to use floats. Knowing that it took me two days to come up with a workaround on that complicated navbar then learning that everything I did was wrong made me feel so embarrassed and stupid. How am I supposed to do this then? How come I can't understand how to do this? I'm such a quack. Then came my worry that they might fire me after knowing I have such poor skills. I was in a state of panic, then she told me to learn about flexbox through this and that's when my life changed. I clicked the link and got a grasp of it after completing all levels. In a blink of an eye, I managed to create the complicated navbar that made me restless for two days. A few revisions here and there, then I got to merge it with the master branch. After that, my superior praised me and told me I did a good job and from that moment on, my self-confidence just went skyrocketing.

After that event, I came to a realization that there's nothing wrong with not knowing. I wholeheartedly accepted that there is a big gap in my skills and instead of feeling insecure for what I don't know like I used to before, I should just use all my energy to absorb everything I can, especially now that I'm still at my training period. Now, learning something new became a part of my routine that it doesn't feel like I'm actually being paid for work as the feeling of satisfaction from seeing my skills get better right in front of my eyes overpowers the tedious feeling from hours of sitting. I really am proud of myself for not giving up and choosing to approach this with a positive mindset. And I can't wait to see how much I have a grown when I look back next year.


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