validation

As long as we rely on the validation of others to determine our value and direction, we remain emotional prisoners to them. It can become incredibly easy to be yanked around depending on the feedback we're receiving from the people around us.

By the time we reach adulthood, how many of us have steadily eroded ourselves away to become more and more the way others want us to be? To meet expectations regardless of how we personally feel about our occupation, lifestyle, appearance, mannerisms and so on? To adjust ourselves to more conventionally appropriate and approvable standards? It happens so gradually we tend not to even notice until predictable crisis points. It builds quietly in the unconscious from seemingly innocuous responses we receive - small moments in which we're praised or shamed, encouraged or discouraged.

I've been noticing how embedded that is in our culture. How normal it is for us to praise and encourage so that people continue to do what we'd like them to do and how entitled we feel to shame them if they're doing things we don't like. It's understandable since that's how most of us were raised but is it really right? And should the opinions of others have such a strong influence on our perspectives and choices?

I guess it depends. It can provide useful feedback and co-regulation in some cases but if we make it the deciding factor for our value and choices then we essentially place ourselves at the mercy of the loudest and most demanding spectators. It seems wiser to be selective of whose opinions we allow to influence us, and mindful of the degree to which we adjust to them.