March 21, 2022•345 words
If we're feeling a strong need for attention from others, it's usually a sign that we're not giving enough to ourselves. Since so many of us feel incapable of turning inwards and providing it for ourselves, since we don't feel that we could possibly be enough, we instead extract it from others by indirectly or directly attempting to draw it towards us whenever anxiety arises. This is common because many of us weren't taught to give loving attention through receiving enough of it as children, and instead learned to manipulate or demand it of others.
Since attention from others can temporarily soothe us, we come to believe that we need it to feel okay. But since it's really only distracting us from feelings that we're avoiding, it can never be enough. If we ever come to lose the external supplier of that attention we risk becoming increasingly fearful, clinging and desperate to get it back to continue easing our discomfort.
The truth is, there is no fundamental difference between witnessing the self and being witnessed by others. Underneath all the judgements and delineations that we superimpose upon ourselves and each other with our thoughts and beliefs, any underlying sense of love and nourishment emanates from the exact same source. Anyone and anything that looks at us is essentially looking through the same base consciousness as our own. Some have less mental clutter obscuring it or can reflect more positivity but whatever energy seems to come to us from them is already within ourselves. We are always intrinsically connected to that source. We can love and witness ourselves.
And once we know we can do that, we no longer require it in the same way from others. We can enjoy it when it's there but we can also rest back into our own warmth when it's not. That old clinging won't be there anymore; the old fear, the old sense of lack. We can finally start to relax and enjoy, whether we're alone while witnessing our unfolding self/life or others are around to share in it.