5/15/2019, 4:52 PM

5/15/2019, 4:52 PM

It's the holidays and I'm currently waiting for the results of the Financial Aid from the school.
If I can get the FinAid, I can go to Shanghai for Internship, and I will have to fly by early July.
My pay is freaking low though; compared to others who don't even get pay, I am getting lesser aid by $400... Those with no pay automatically gets $1500 from the school as a compensation. So because my pay only gives me about $1000+ and with the lack of the compensation... I am losing out.

Plus, my family is facing financial issues now:

My mom is the sole bread winner and today she's working 12 hours, from 5am to 5pm. She's just a stall assistant, and earns less than $1.5k monthly.
My father doesn't want to work anymore due to depression.
My brother is relaxing because working is tiring, so after he lost his job because the branch closed down, he's jobless. It's been more than one month.
And why is his girlfriend still living with us? She's not paying rent, my brother also refuse to let her leave, and my mom always comes to my room and tell me how she wish the girlfriend moves out. I keep telling my mom that she should use her authority and let them know what she thinks, but she's scared of creating dispute. So all I can do is listen to her rant.

I've applied for translation jobs, but I'm still waiting for the test results. I really hope I get them so I can do it even while I'm in China, since it's a freelance job where I can do anywhere. Looking for jobs is hard when you can only commit for a month or so.

I half wish I can go, because this is such a rare opportunity.
But I also half wish I don't go, so I can lesson the burden on both me and my mother.

I have to go to Japan for exchange next year and it'll cost way more than China since there's no financial assistance from the school. I applied for this long ago before father retired, and I can't really back out due to the penalty fee. Neither do I wish to back out of this contract because I really love Japan, much more than China.

If only I were rich.
If I were rich, I can pay for my own school fees.
If I were rich, I can let my parents retire earlier.
If I were rich, I can send my father for therapy.

But after every storm it will be sunny.
So I'll do my best and pull through this tough period!

Then again, perhaps if it's confirmed that I will be going China, I will try contacting the school and ask if I can terminate my Japan contract...
The Japan exchange will cost me probably $6k~$8k, I hope not more... since it's only four months.
The China internship will cost a rough estimate of $10k to $12k, but I think it'll be less if I don't go to expensive places or eat expensive food.
Also, the China trip will only cost us around $3k and not the full $10k or so because of the financial assistance.

$3k VS $6~8k
China VS Japan
Internship VS Exchange

The obvious choice is China...

好烦,心好累。
不过加油……我能度过这关的!


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