06 Muditation; You Can Seek Life Even In This Pain
February 11, 2022•245 words
My internal editor wants all to seem well, that I am on the golden path, that every day blooms into transformation and joy.
Not so much. Hopefully anyone reading this blog resonates with truth. My truth includes many ugly parts, many challenging times. The conversation below is an example:
notes after muditation
i like that. muditation. exactly what it has been. mud. no feeling. no depth. nothing but sitting with mind racing.
i am suffering. much of the day i am in pain and self loathing and death thinking. i don't see a path forward.
drugs not working? therapy not working? all the self help books not working?
fuck this. come if you want to, my soul.
YOU FEEL FEAR IN YOUR GUT. YOUR HEAD IS IN A VICE OF PAIN. I AM SO SORRY. THERE IS LIFE FOR YOU. YOU CAN SEEK LIFE EVEN IN THIS PAIN.
ONE FLOWER. ONE GUST OF WIND. ONE DROP OF WINTER RAIN. THERE IS LIFE AND BEAUTY IN THIS WORLD, EVEN IN THE TURMOIL IN YOU AND IN THE WORLD.
STAND STILL. NO NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OR BACKWARD. IF YOU WISH, MOVE ONE TOE FORWARD TOWARDS LIFE. ONE TOE. ONE BREATH. ONE WHISPER. TOWARDS LIFE.
YOU CANNOT FEEL THIS NOW. IT MAY BE SOME TIME BEFORE YOU DO. BUT ONE TOE ONE FOOT ONE STEP FORWARD INTO LIFE. THIS AWAITS YOU.
hope the size of a mustard seed. i place that in my heart.
from: 2021.01.08 fri