Day 81 - After all this is over

After all this is over, everyone should take a full year off from social media. Take that 17 hours a day you spend on social media, and learn three languages, put on 80 lbs of muscle, learn magic tricks, clean your floors, and learn how to make sushi for your pets. 

After all this is over, governments should strap bomb collars on people's necks and program them to explode if people exceed a monthly syllable quota. Not talking about the virus should help. 

After all this is over, complaining should be illegal for 6 months. Anyone caught complaining will be forced to live in a simulated communist society. They can only be released when their glorious Motherland has reached its natural utopian splendor. 

After all this is over, Google is going to take all the data they collected during the virus times and use that data to advertise very good products such as bidets, musical instruments, at-home workout equipment, fun hats, and animal toys. 

After all this is over, the bars are going to be packed and people are going to have more unprotected sex than ever. There won't be a baby boom from people staying home, but there will be a std boom and an abortion boom in the first few months after our sense of safety has mutated into a reckless abandon. 

Buckle up. 

You'll only receive email when The Barnacle publishes a new post

More from The Barnacle