Home

June 20, 2019

Cate le Bon's Home. The song and the video.

Someday I'll understand why the song resonates with me so much.

Home to you

Is a neighborhood in the night kitchen

Home to you

Is atrocity in the town

Home to you

Is an impasse under hallway ceilings

Home to you

I'm a cross hair, stubborn, dream loving

It's not a positive song so much. There's a cryptic darkness to it. But it rings true about the feeling of "home" -- sad, comfortable, known.

For reasons unclear to me I've run from the concept of "home" my whole life. On the surface, I've built stability and domesticity. But underneath, I've always brimmed with the urge to escape -- to move far away, to experience something new again and again. But lately I've worked to accept the world as it is around me, to embrace it, to love it. And the more I do this, the more at peace I am. That's what this song helps me understand.

Looking back

June 19, 2019

I thought that turning 40 was going to be the big turning point. It was, in a "numbers are meaningful" kind of way. But actually, turning *41* was where the change came in. Closing in on 42, I can look back on a year in which I discovered that I'd been engaging in anxious thinking and cortisol-assisted intensity for many years; started discovering ways to wind back these bad habits; got back into running again, in earnest; and lost a few pounds. I also moved into year three (I can't believe ...

Music

June 25, 2019

I don't think I've properly digested how much music has re-taken its role in my life over the last few years. Music has been at the center of my life for most of my life. I started taking guitar lessons when I was 10, the same year that my dad took me to see U2 -- my favorite band at the time -- in Montreal. Soon after that we saw Echo and the Bunnymen, Living Colour, and so many other shows. I started playing bass around 13, started playing in bands, and was a "music kid" in high school. Band...