I Have Nothing To Prove

"I have nothing to prove"

Words are powerful. Words are magical. Even saying aloud "words are magical" frequently will make one realize the hidden power of the statement. "I have nothing to prove" is one affirmation whose repetition will reshape the conscious and subconscious mind. There are dozens of ways this statement applies to life and I won't cover them all here.

The last several months have been immensely positive and transformational for me. I have uprooted deeply-held negative beliefs and addictions, established healthy mental and physical routines, learned a great deal across a number of subjects, and more. I've updated close friends and family members on my progress when they've asked how I'm doing but I haven't updated this blog. I didn't need to. I don't even need to type the words I just did. I'm making changes for myself, not anyone else. I don't need to prove to anyone I'm making progress - I just am. Our actions prove we have changed, not our words. Something radically changed in my mindset and approach to life when I internalized:

"I have nothing to prove"

I first heard and learned this concept during a therapy session. It was the third session in a series. The therapist felt like I wasn't grasping a concept, and I had a defensive reaction trying to prove that I did. Therefore: I didn't. If I did I wouldn't have needed to try to prove I did.

Side note: therapy is amazing and every single person can benefit from it. Maybe not every therapist is good but that doesn't invalidate the healing power of therapy itself. We are all creatures with faults - with emotional wounds and traumas from growing up - that we need to understand and overcome to unlock our true potential. To deny this is to deny the human existence. End the stigma.

"I have nothing to prove"

I want to write and share things I've learned or enjoyed because (i) I enjoy expressing myself in this manner sometimes, and (ii) I may potentially help people gain a new perspective or relate to a personal struggle. I'm not trying to prove I know something - I'm just expressing. It's a very nuanced and important difference to grasp and integrate psychologically.

"I have nothing to prove"

Sometimes it is blatant, other times it is very subtle: when having conversations we are often trying to "score points" trying to prove we are "correct" or are "better" than either the other person or our former self. We erect walls preventing healthy discussion toward understanding or compromise. The goal should never be proving to someone we know something, but to learn new somethings. We are always learning, always growing, always healing. We don't know everything - we know this - but our ego often tries to pretend it knows the "real truth" of some matter. Trying to prove we know "the truth" or trying to prove we have made progress in some regard doesn't accomplish anything. It is not constructive to either party. We can share our perspective in a way that isn't trying to prove something. We can show that we have made progress by simply being the improved version of ourselves.

"I have nothing to prove"

There is an often misunderstood difference between expressing one's self & ideas versus posting for recognition and approval. Yes, we are social creatures who require some amount of external appreciation & encouragement, but too often the urge to update others on some achieved progress is counterintuitively debilitating. We receive some inspiration to start a new project, or make exciting progress toward our goals - but, strangely, going around telling others about it often has a negative consequence. We establish some expectation of what the future is going to be - we never know how the future will unfold - and when the inspiration doesn't last, or circumstances change, we become self-critical and generate unfavorable feelings like anxiety and depression because we are now failing to uphold promises we had spontaneously thrown out into the world. We can set intentions to do something - words are magic - but we can never actually predict what will happen. All we can do is work toward the goal day by day, trusting that the future will unfold as it should, and manage our reactions to misfortune. Sometimes shit happens and life seems to have other plans for us. If we're constantly trying to prove to others we can do something before we've done it we somehow become our own enemy. Plus other people will try to tear us down and point out our failures - we don't need any of that. I heard a funny, relevant quote the other day: "When we make plans, God laughs."

"I have nothing to prove"

Three other relevant ideas I've been cycling in my mind have grounded me further: (i) "it isn't done until it's done", (ii) "stay low and move quietly", (iii) "he who has a journey of a hundred miles should reckon ninety as half-way". At least in my experience: if I try sharing progress I've made to people, when I know deep-down I should just stay focused and get across the finish line, somehow the progress halts. Maybe it's simply getting out of "Flow" or "the zone", or "rushing the timeline". Maybe pride and eagerness are negative vibrations that disrupt the human-aura field or space-time continuum. Somehow, asserting expectations of the future has a funny way of working against us. Life is a ride - a journey - and all we can control is the present moment and our reactions to fate. It's really much more peaceful thinking this way. Similar statements have been said countless times in countless ways but it really is all about the journey. We do not know the destination, nor does it matter! What matters is right here, right now: reading these words hopefully gaining some new perspective, soon working toward a goal, soon smiling at a loved one.

"I have nothing to prove"

I love words and have been complimented & recognized for poetry or other writings, but I don't need to go post online about receiving praise; I am simply grateful for the recognition and move on. This might seem insignificant but it is a powerful, positive mentality to have regarding everything in life. This doesn't mean you can't share, for example, stats of how many books you've sold, but there is a nuanced and important difference between doing that to prove something versus doing that to share information for a constructive purpose. If this doesn't make sense now, think about it later. Sometimes concepts take time and meditation to understand and integrate.

"I have nothing to prove"

I roughly tweeted, and deleted, last month: "multiple projects are soon coalescing and I'm going to start writing more blog posts soon!" I make plans, and God laughs. I have painstakingly learned that I should only share what I have actually completed instead of telling people what I have planned to complete. In a way, I was trying to prove that I was being active and productive. But that is silly. I am living every day to the fullest and am immeasurably happy even if my plans don't work out. It's less of a failure of discipline and more a constant realignment and readjustment to life circumstance & new inspiration.

"I have nothing to prove"

This statement is immensely powerful in combination with understanding that every person is "imperfect" - even you. We have all said and done things in the past we no longer agree with - this is a part of life! Virtually all of us have deleted some post because we feel embarrassed or no longer agree with it, but we're covering up the fact that we are always growing. Unfortunately, yes, we live in a society with a lot of judgmental, vicious people who seek to tear others down. I have hope and optimism that this paradigm is shifting. I'm not saying to suddenly stop deleting/curating our tweets or posts - we do have to protect ourselves in some regard - as long as it's not out of personal shame and fear that we will be judged. That's a failure of the judge, not of you.

Change happens and maybe this blog will continue to be showing some of the ugly side of living and growing. It is good that I showed the ugly side of attempting and failing to do the #100Days challenge, blogging my raw thoughts of feeling like a failure and working out why I was being my own worst enemy.

We need to be better role models for our children. The last decade of social media has been immensely destructive to society, creating unrealistic expectations of success and what it means to be human. We only see the results of effort - not the ugly, tough, natural process of how to get there. I'm not even the 10,000th person to express this thought nor am I articulating it in the best way. But I need to try - maybe the way I've phrased it will resonate and click with at least one person. Awesome. We can't change the whole world, but we can make some good changes in the world. If every single person helped just one person learn something new, then the whole world would indeed be changed.

I have nothing to prove.