What exactly are existential thoughts? I am not able to land on a defendable definition, but every time I start wondering "how should I exist in this meaningless world," I think that's an existential thought. And it feels like these thoughts are now perennially plastered on my psyche — I can't not have them. Here is the latest: Since yesterday, I've been looking at friends and strangers on Instagram and Twitter share screenshots of their colorful "Spotify Wrapped" cards. As usual, people are sa...

I have a feeling that the days when I felt paralysed with questions of existence are now behind me. What a relief. I feel the joy of living again, wanting to live again, looking forward to things. I feel transformed, as if something fundamental about my identity and existence has shifted — or more precisely, how I choose to exist. It’s challenging to assess the extent of this change since it's hard to be both the observer and the observed. Yet, this time, I believe I've got it right. This sen...

I have been watching a lot of Woody Allen over the last two months. I know all about the Farrow allegations. So don't cancel me — for now, let's just separate art from the artist for now. And he is an existentialist. I am just pasting some great quotes from his movies that spoke to me. Just for documenting. No context, just dialogues as it is: "You know what my philosophy of life is? That it's important to have some laughs, no question about it, but you gotta suffer a little too' because, oth...

I have been away from this blog for six weeks now. But it's not that I am done with existential thoughts — I don't think they will ever leave me, unless there is some gigantic shift in my philosophical understanding of life. I am okay, though. Things are not that bleak. I am a functioning human. So yeah, it's okay. Yet, I don't want to downplay the sheer feeling of alienation and disillusionment I felt at the peak of the existential crisis. It was not a pretty picture, and it's important for me ...

So, a few theories have been brewing in my head on dealing with my existential crisis. I will share them here, but first, a peek into my state of mind. Yesterday was brilliant. I went to Dhan Mill, my favourite new place in Delhi. Quick Brown Fox serves damn good coffee. The food is pricey, but it's good, too. My friend joined me, meaning he heard my existential angst and I heard his dating dilemmas. Then we went to the Nature Morte art gallery where a beautiful exhibition was displayed. Late...

I just had a chat with a friend I deeply trust and respect. I opened up about feeling stuck in a sort of crisis phase, and he said he'd sensed it too. This friend is an entrepreneur, and he reminded me of something he's said before: you learn about life by living it, not by merely thinking about it. Doing things and figuring things out. Engaging with the world brings you more meaning. It's an idea that resonates. I'm deeply fascinated by questions surrounding human existence and nature. The m...

A reminder from my previous post: I will try to break free of that hesitation and document whatever comes to mind, however immature, naive, or uninformed. With the necessary caveats in place, I'm free to share an untested theory about humanity: most adults are fundamentally flawed in their interactions with other humans. They fail as parents, friends, colleagues, and partners. This messed-up-ness makes everyone around them miserable, and it trickles down to create a miserable society. To cl...

Two days ago, I wrote about what an existential crisis feels like. I documented my top-level thoughts at that point. Now, let's get more specific—thoughts that are paralysing. One: I am—or was?—very passionate about journalism. I've thought extensively about the issues with media and how to fix them. Not merely as an editor or reporter, but potentially as a founder. I keep telling myself: enough of ranting about what's wrong and broken; get in and build something—the kind of journalism I imagin...

I feel a little positive today! :) Shared this on my Instagram, reposting here. Why do I read? To feel good? No, hardly. The internet is already a strange place, drowning in needless positivity, divorced from reality. I don't need more. I'd rather read prose that tears me up inside. To escape? No, far from it. Bollywood offers enough. To improve, to grow? To be the best version of myself? No, absolutely not. I'm done with self-optimisation. So, what drives me? I just want to talk with hu...

I've always been curious about how the world works, the origins of humanity, and the meaning of life. These questions aren't new to me. What's new is the sense of real crisis they're causing now. Just to provide some context: I lead a comfortable life—comfortable enough to have the luxury to think, read, and write about my existential crisis. And I'm doing this because I feel a sense of urgency. So, what's going on in my mind? How am I feeling? Let's think out loud: One: There's a physical se...

So. The tech is sorted; the blog is up. Good. Now comes the big question that almost always leads to writing paralysis: What will I write about? What will I do here? Yes, this blog is my public exploration of existential questions, but how exactly will I do that? Let me think out loud here: 1. Stream of consciousness: I have moments where my mind is occupied by thoughts whose origin is unclear. It's me talking to myself—my true inner voice. Wherever this comes from, it helps me understand wha...

Like most things of significance in my life, I can't pinpoint when this phase started. No specific event triggered it; I just know I'm stuck. So much so that it's taken over my life. Welcome to my Existential Crisis. I'm not depressed, anxious, or even sad. My life functions normally. Unless you ask me to reveal my inner world, you wouldn't realise how burdened I feel by the weight of existence. I am not looking for advice on escaping or exiting this phase; I definitely don't need any help. ...