#12: meaning by living my values

What exactly are existential thoughts? I am not able to land on a defendable definition, but every time I start wondering "how should I exist in this meaningless world," I think that's an existential thought. And it feels like these thoughts are now perennially plastered on my psyche — I can't not have them.

Here is the latest: Since yesterday, I've been looking at friends and strangers on Instagram and Twitter share screenshots of their colorful "Spotify Wrapped" cards. As usual, people are saying things to sound funny with what seems like zero awareness of how those banal comments justify the case for human simulation. So predictable. Why do we do this? (Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude or condescending, but that's my mood right now.)

So what's so existential about these Wrapped posts?

Simple: it shows the pervasiveness and large-scale acceptance and ignorance of Big Tech surveillance. That's what it is. It's dystopian, really.

The Wrapped is the annual ritual when Spotify loudly screams that they are always listening to what we are listening to, and how happy we are that they do. That so many proudly share their report cards — because it kind of shows who we are? — reveals that we give little to no thought about privacy. (I am guilty as charged: I shared it too last year.)

Rant over. Now let me come to the point: when I look at all this — people's behaviour that I find so weird, consumer preferences that feel totally bizarre, the company's choices that seem outrageous — the thought that strikes me is: what if I live my life as an act of resistance against the sheer stupidity of co-existing humans? That instead of accepting how things are, I choose to live my values and make a statement (even if no one is really hearing) about the kind of world I live in?

I can always say that nothing really matters because ultimately everything is meaningless. And so is privacy. But that doesn't quite cut it. The idea, at the core of Sartrean existentialism — the one that speaks to me — is to realise we are more free than we actually realise because existence precedes essence. And we give our lives meaning through the act of choosing. And so, by choosing to engage with the chaotic world that's the clearest reflection of my values, offers a source of meaning. And that's why it matters — not necessarily because me making a change will shift the status quo.

This applies to so many other spheres where the normal feels abnormal: about the food we eat, the stuff we read, the beliefs we form, and so on. Much of my existential angst is rooted in a world that had stopped making any sense. And now, in the post-crisis phase, I have realised that it doesn't have to always make sense. But my own choices must make sense to me.

So I am telling myself: make intentional and conscious choices, and live your values. It's worth it.