It's 2020 and I'm writing my first ever blog post. Honestly I don't know if this is something people still do, and I very much doubt anyone other than people I share this link with will ever read this.
But that's ok - I write for the sake of writing and don't care much if other people read it or not. In fact, if I'm being completely honest, I think I'm more comfortable if people don't read whatever it is I pour out onto these virtual pages.
I love writing - I love creating worlds and characters, plots with twists and turns - when I write it's like I'm reading someone else's story or watching a film for the first time. I don't know what's going to happen until it happens. Sure, when I get a bit further in, I have an idea of how the story will unfold, but just like reality the worlds I created aren't deterministic, and until that last word is down, anything could happen.
If I could do nothing but write, if people could be convinced to part ways with a little money to allow me to write more, I'd probably be a much happier person. Freed from the worries and stress of work, of the constant deadlines, the difficult people, and the endless, constant, never ending, relentless stream of fucking emails.
I would love to make a living from writing - yet I don't want people to read what I write.
Because it's safer.
If people don't read it, they can't dislike it. My reality can stay in flux, the potential future of an email free existence is still just in reach. But when my writing is out there, those potential futures will collapse into one. And for the past decade the possibility of being a writer has outweighed the risk of it not coming true.
Right now I could both be a successful writer, or an awful one. Until someone opens the book we don't know. It's like Schrodinger's cat, but without the animal cruelty.
That being said - at some point I'm just going to have to take the plunge, and put it all out there.
This blog post is my first small step in sharing the make believe worlds in which I'd much rather live.
Let's see how long I keep it up.