Official Handbook for Reformed Grumps (Celestial Division)

The Grump-Angel’s Flight Manual

If you see me doing something nice, no you didn’t. Any "miracles" performed are to be legally classified as "unexplained atmospheric anomalies."

The halo must be kept at a minimum of 20% brightness during daytime hours. It’s hard to look intimidating when you’re literally glowing like a neon "Open" sign.

Dropping gifts down mushroom chimneys is permitted. Dropping coal is tempting, but apparently, it clogs the wings. Stick to fruitcakes—they are basically edible bricks anyway.

While flying, a "determined scowl" is the preferred facial expression. If you find yourself accidentally smiling due to the wind or "Christmas Magic," please land immediately and eat a lemon to reset.

I will fly, I will glow, and I will even wear the velvet dress. But if anyone hands me a harp, I’m flying straight into a snowbank. We use electric guitars or we don’t play at all.

Now that my heart has grown, I require more snacks to fuel it. All elves helped by the Grump-Angel are encouraged to leave out high-quality jerky. Cookies are for the guy in the sleigh.