The Murky Origin of 'Murica

2024-11-10 at 07:18 AM

People forget about the 14th colony.

Yeah, Rob "Redcap" Sylough was the founder of the 14th colony named after the Anglo-Saxon nation of Mercia in old Britain. He didn't rightly remember where he learned that but he liked the sound of it. He had once looked at a map of the colonies and saw that others had chosen to name their colonies after places like Hampshire, Jersey, and York (or Amsterdam). He figured following that precedent was a safe choice.

New Mercia was a small sliver of a colony that ol' Rob carved off the ass-end of Pennsylvania back when that was the far west of the (white-)inhabited lands in the New World. While he wasn't the only human being living there, he was the only white, land-owning man and, therefore, the sole voting constituent of New Mercia. He was also the governor, mayor, and sheriff of New Mercia. It's easy to win elections if you vote for yourself.

Heck, he even forged the king's signature on the colony's charter. Rob hired a lawyerman draw it up but the man said he wouldn't do that part. Said he had his reputation to consider.

While he was quite rightly proud of this accomplishment and showed it to anyone who asked, he did manage to forgot to show it to the royal tax collectors and surveyors when they dropped by. He also forgot to disabuse them of their notion that New Mercia was part of Pennsylvania. No need to pay extra taxes was his way of thinking.

Rob wasn't a highly schooled man. While he pronounced the name of his colony correctly - MER-see-uh - his spelling was substandard even by the standards of the day. Anyone with a bit more readin' n' writin' than Rob tended to pronounce it as he spelt it: Murica.

When he presented himself in Philadelphia determined to join the group of his patriotic peers who were hammering out the 📜 Declaration of Independence 📜 they asked what colony he represented. "New Mercia, of course!" he replied. It was loud in the room what with all the arguing but they understood his reply to be that he supported the cause of Independence but concluded that he was a bit confused or slightly hard of hearing.

They seated him with the delegates of Pennsylvania - or would have done if there'd been another chair - he had arrived quite late in the process, to be honest. Mistaking his status and position, ol' Ben, leader of that delegation, gave him a handful of money and asked him to fetch another pitcher of beer.

Not being city-folk and none too familiar with Philadelphia, he got a bit lost on the way. Then he got a bit tipsy as he helped himself to stronger drink than is commonly available back home. (Ben had been generous.)

By the time he'd staggered back with whatever hadn't sloshed out of the pitcher they'd already held their vote and pledged to each other their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor.

A bit miffed that they hadn't waited for him - but, frankly, relieved that his name wouldn't show up on the king's enemy list - he decided to head home. He fetched out the shopping list he'd made of the goods he needed to bring back.

After hearing the delegates shout big words at each other, he amended his list to add a newspaper. He couldn't really read them very well but he liked how it felt to walk around his "city" looking very fancy. Besides, his servant could read and he could just make him read little pithy-sounding bites of news to him whenever he felt he needed a little riling up. He'd quote those sound bites to anyone he could buttonhole. He could make that paper last at least into the winter when he might need it to wrap fish or start a fire in the hearth.

At the last minute he made a second amendment to his list: He went and bought half a wagon-load of firearms and ammunition against the chance of unpleasantness. A small colony like his can't have enough self-defense, after all.

Anyway. Happy to have helped make some history and having assured himself that the deed was accomplished and no further work was required of him, he headed back to Mercia. Those crops weren't gonna harvest themselves. That's what a servant is for.