C23

Chapter 23: That Day's After-School — Kokona Suzumura Side

Monday after school.

The light of dusk streamed through the train windows, dyeing the passing townscape a pale orange. Kokona Suzumura and Kaho Kitayama stood side by side, rocked by the usual after-school train.

Yet, the feelings inside both of their chests were different from yesterday.

As Kokona gazed out the window, she replayed the scene in the classroom over and over again—the interaction at that moment, Tachibana-kun's expression, and... what she herself had ended up doing. Every time she recalled it, something heavy slowly sank deep within her chest...

Kaho, standing beside her, said nothing either. Surely Kaho was thinking the exact same thing. Even so, neither could bring themselves to open their mouths, and only the sound of the wheels carving into the rails flowed quietly through the evening carriage.

◇

Stepping off the train, the two passed through the ticket gates side by side, and as they exited the station, the evening breeze caressed their cheeks.

While the sky gradually changed colors, they walked side by side along the familiar path home. Though the scenery was no different from usual, neither of them spoke at all today.

Kokona walked with her head cast downward. Kaho followed quietly right beside her. After walking for a while, Kaho slightly slowed her pace.

"......Kokona-chan."

Called out, Kokona looked at Kaho walking beside her. Kaho lowered her gaze, as if hesitating.

"Do you want to stop by the park for a bit?"

At those words, Kokona lowered her eyes for a split second. It was a place where the two of them had played countless times when they were little.

Kokona gave a small nod.

"......Yeah."

The two walked the same path as they always had in the past and stepped into the park. Spread out before them was the pale light of dusk and a somewhat nostalgic tranquility. Only the sound of trees swaying in the breeze, the voices of children playing from afar, and the small creaking of the swings softly echoed through the park.

The scenery that would normally look peaceful carried a somewhat lonely tint in both of their chests today.

Kokona and Kaho walked on without a word. Only their shadows, walking side by side, stretched long across the evening ground. Before long, their feet naturally headed toward the weathered bench at the edge of the park.

Kaho sat down on the bench first, and Kokona followed shortly after, sitting right beside her. Spread out quietly before the two of them was the park's scenery dyed in the setting sun.

Suddenly, a breeze gently passed between them. The branches of the large Zelkova tree standing in the park slowly swayed, and only the sound of overlapping leaves rubbing together melted into the quiet air. The two sat without a word, listening to that sound.

Before long, the evening light faded little by little—

Eventually the wind stopped, and the swaying Zelkova leaves grew utterly still. Silence had returned to the park once more. Amidst that quietness, Kokona let out a small breath.

◇

"......I,"

Kokona put force into the hands clasped over her knees.

"......did something terrible to Tachibana-kun."

The moment she uttered those words, the things she had forced deep down inside her chest began to spill over bit by bit.

"I actually... knew."

Kokona's voice shook slightly.

"From the very beginning... I knew."

"That something like this... was an absolute taboo."

Even so...

She knew how the other person might feel, that he might get hurt. Even so, she was too afraid of breaking the group's atmosphere, and couldn't bring herself to say "Let's stop." If she had just said she didn't want to do it, it should have ended right there, yet she simply nodded along.

As a result, they dragged a person into it for their own convenience, prioritizing the atmosphere of the moment over the other person's feelings. Even though she knew it was wrong, she still couldn't stop it.

"Kaho... you tried to stop me, didn't you?"

Kaho kept her head bowed, gently gripping her hands together over her knees.

"Even though you said... I shouldn't do it, I... got swept along by everyone and nodded."

At that time, she had sealed away things she didn't want to see, running away from the very act of thinking...

"......I really hate myself."

Kokona muttered softly with her head bowed.

"It's been like this since a long time ago."

She didn't want to break the atmosphere; she was terrified of betraying someone's expectations. Even when she thought something was wrong, even when there were things she needed to say, she could never say anything. She could only nod and conform to the other person...

"Ever since I was a kid... nothing has changed."

Kaho said nothing, keeping her head bowed as she put a little extra force into the hands clasped in her lap. Because they had been together ever since they were young, Kaho—who knew that long span of time—understood what those current words signified.

After a while, Kokona opened her mouth in a tiny voice.

"......And yet."

Kokona's voice shook ever so slightly.

"I... was treated so kindly by Tachibana-kun."

At first, it was a fake relationship born from a mere penalty game decided half for amusement. But...

Tachibana-kun was different. Without even knowing that I was lying, he simply faced me with 100% sincerity.

“I've always liked you too, Suzumura-san.”

She recalled those words, delivered straight and true, even while looking somewhat shy at the time. The moment she heard those words, she could tell that feeling was genuine.

...And yet, she had continued to play the part of a fake lover, as if obeying a given role. Right beside Tachibana-kun, who knew nothing.

During recess, after school—Tachibana-kun was kind. Though slightly bashful, he would speak to her gently, listening happily to whatever she had to say. Whenever something happened, he would immediately look out for her, and that casual kindness was always right there.

Plus, there was an event she could never forget.

When she was hit on by a street scout, Tachibana-kun—though his voice was trembling—stood in front of her anyway, pushing down his own fear.

"Even though I'm hurting Tachibana-kun... and yet... even though I have no right to be protected—and yet—"

The warmth of the hand he held out back then suddenly welled up within her.

"......っ"

The difference between what she had done and what Tachibana-kun had done for her made her chest feel like it was going to tear apart. And then... unable to hold it back, tears spilled over from Kokona's eyes.

The truth was...

After school, in a place where nobody could see them, she had intended to talk to Tachibana-kun, just the two of them. She had intended to apologize with her own mouth. No matter how angry he got, no matter how much he despised her, she was prepared to face her own sin.

But...

Before that could happen, Kujo-kun blurted out that it was a fake in a classroom surrounded by a large crowd of classmates.

She had tried desperately to stop him. But Kujo-kun's ears were closed to her words. Tachibana-kun, who knew nothing, was suddenly struck by the whole truth, and the one who was truly getting hurt was him.

And yet... in that classroom, the atmosphere made it seem as though Tachibana-kun was the one in the wrong.

She was right there. She understood everything. The truth was, she should have said it was her fault. She should have stopped it before Tachibana-kun was put through something like that.

And yet... she couldn't do a thing.

And in the end...

...She admitted right then and there that it was a lie.

The exact moment.

Tachibana-kun's expression vividly flashed back even now—it wasn't an expression of anger or accusation, but rather one of desperately enduring something.

...She knew.

Those were surely tears... Even though she was the one who hurt him, even though Tachibana-kun was the one suffering... then why.

"Sorry."

Leaving those words behind, Tachibana-kun walked out of the classroom at a brisk pace without looking back even once.

After Tachibana-kun left the classroom. Kujo-kun bowed his head to everyone left behind, and brought up her modeling work.

The moment he did, she thought:

No! That's not it!

I'm not the victim—I'm the perpetrator who hurt Tachibana-kun.

She had to say that.

And yet...

For just a split second.

Even in her head, thoughts of her modeling career had surfaced.

"......I'm truly the worst."

That she had thought about what she would lose, even for a single second, rather than how deeply Tachibana-kun had been hurt, filled her with more shame than anything else.

◇

Kaho couldn't say a word.

She simply watched quietly as Kokona spilled out fragmented words, as if chiding herself.

Kokona, who had been right beside her since childhood, was facing her own misdeed and suffering under the weight of regret. Confronted by that figure, the thought arose in Kaho's chest: If only I had stopped her more strongly back then.

She knew it was wrong. Even so, she hadn't possessed the courage to strongly deny it without getting swept along by those around her. If she had just said "Let's stop" more firmly, even once—

For a while, there were no words between the two of them.

Before long, Kaho softly called out to Kokona, who remained bowed.

"......Kokona-chan."

Kaho stared at Kokona, who sat unable to move with her head down. Silence lingered for a while. Eventually, Kokona opened her mouth in a tiny voice.

"What... should I do?"

She didn't even know Tachibana-kun's contact info. Even if she wanted to apologize, she didn't even have a way to reach him right now.

"Tomorrow... will he come to school?"

At Kokona's question, Kaho couldn't reply right away. After a brief silence, she opened her mouth in a whisper.

"......I don't know."

At that answer, a heavy silence fell between the two of them.

"......But,"

Wiping away her tears, Kokona raised her face.

"......I have to apologize with my own words."

Kaho said nothing, simply giving a small, quiet nod.