"The Useless Character in Someone Else's Story"

In the search bar, I typed "living vicariously reddit" and after hitting the return key, I wondered how my arms and fingers were more aware of my subconscious than my own conscious mind.

I skimmed the page that appeared as I was not convinced this was my feeling and that my limbs were merely being dramatic. Although I didn't feel judgement towards the user "HiAnxiety", I felt that if I had posted something like that I would consider myself a loser.

"Living vicariously through people with "fun" lives... Anyone else do this? As a struggling individual with SAD/OCD/Depression, my current life-state is pretty shit. I don't have a social life, and I usually follow a select few individuals on twitter who I've never met, but who are popular on those social networking things and share similar interests in me such as music, hobbies, etc..

won't like do it like how people do that with celebrities or anything (that's just really low in my opinion lol) but when I go to bed I go on twitter and just go through their tweets to see how their day went, and makes me happy when other people are enjoying their lives with friends and fun activities.
it's kinda pathetic but it's something I do because my life ain't the best at the moment. I'm about to go to bed soon and I oversleep because I got nothing to look forward to.

I even though this with the people I really like in netflix shows, television, or movies. I can identify with some characters and it is sort of nice to relate to their characters. It's kind of cool with cool charcters, paralleling some of your traits with theirs. Has anyone else done this?

However, what caught my attention was that this person did not seem to express feelings of envy or enmity towards others living a life they would deem better than theirs. If anything, they actually experienced happiness seeing others happy. Immediately after they shared this thought, they considered themselves "pathetic" and I thought about how I would console them and tell them that being able to be happy for others when your life isn't all something you are proud of is actually better off than probably the majority of the people walking on the planet.

The Prophet ﷺ informed us that such a trait serves as an indicator of our ranking as a Muslim as the one who has belief (iman) is of a higher caliber of a Muslim than one who submits to Allah's power:

None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself.

[Source: Bukhari & Muslim]

In response to the post, the user "Vanguard07" empathized with the original poster:

"I know exactly what you mean. It's great finding those characters that you can relate to, at least in some ways. Then when those characters succeed in some way, it feels like a small victory for myself.
In real life, I kinda always imagine myself as the antagonist or some useless character in someone else's story."

In the past year, I was advised by a friend that I should be less concerned about everyone else's life story and more concerned with my own. Truthfully, I feel that for those are inclined to sacrifice their own wellbeing for others should follow this advice when one is not truly at peace and intentional regarding how they are living their lives. On the other hand, I do believe that for those who tend to be quick to prioritize their own aspirations to the point of not being supportive in the lives of others should consider taking the role of being a character in someone else's story from time to time to rid themselves of the notion that "they are the main character".

But as always, we never really have to just have things "one way" as there are often multiple ways to look at something that most people are divided on. We should be more aware of how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of life. Even those who people consider to be some of the most influential people of all time still are not really known to a majority of people on the planet and sometimes, even bad people who may have convinced themselves that they were doing a good thing are now remembered as villains.

In some circumstances, it may be better to make oneself the main character of their life when they feel lost and confused about what direction they are heading in. While one never truly knows if they are on the path of goodness themselves, they should at least be familiar with what the righteous path entails and measure their own spiritual state according to this checklist. If one is not living according to this checklist of deeds and traits they would ideally like to have, then one needs to start acting out that desired role so the scribes who are writing out their story have something meaningful to write instead of a life lived in delirium.

On the other hand, if one has nothing to say regarding how they supported the cause of goodness even through indirect means such as donating to a good cause then this should be a matter of concern. There is no need to be a person who does lots of external acts of worship but has a heart full of envy. Perhaps, the one consistent good thing a person does is supplicate for the wellbeing of someone they believe is doing something good with their lives or asking Allah to protect good people from the harm of those with diseased hearts. Going a bit further, we may come across a person whom we believe is doing their best and a mere kind word could be our contribution to a good cause. How many great minds resulted in feeling isolated and committed suicide as they felt they were alone? Or, how many great minds were swept up by those with insidious plots to exploit them?

And what about those who feel that they do not have anything to contribute to the lives of others or their own lives? Indeed, there are some who feel as if they are what is colloquially known "NPC" or non-player characters. Indeed, with the increase of AI and internet addictions where we allow YouTube to dictate what we will feed our brains, it seems as if more and more people have clipped their own wings and limited themselves to this painful role. Just because one becomes accustomed to the pain of self-loathing does not mean that such a pain no longer exists. Instead, one acclimates to the pain and it becomes apparent when it is time to do something beneficial and the mere thought of such tasks cause one to become aware of their weakened state.

What is one to then when one feels as if they are a useless character, an antagonist, or an NPC? Well, after I became Muslim I found it difficult to understand why we had to follow the messenger ﷺ because I found it easy to understand why we need a guide book (the Qur'an) but then it began to make sense over time. We do need a "rubric" to be able to measure our life's deeds within our lifetimes. The Prophet ﷺ would be an exemplary perfect score that is of course, almost impossible to reach. However, when one is commanded to "follow" the Prophet ﷺ, it simply means to try one's personal best to walk in his footsteps.

If one is currently an NPC for example, such as myself, I would be currently in a state of inaction or just waking up to the reality that I cut my wings long ago to not experience the pain of failing which is necessary even when birds learn to fly. It is indeed an awkward process when a small bird has weak muscles and fluffy feathers suddenly has to leave its dependent state and begin learning to perch, glide, and swoop down.

The Prophet ﷺ experienced failure in the sense that he was destined to taste hardships from people and situations where all hope seemed lost until the very last moment. What did he do in such situations when it seemed as if the world and everything in it was against him?

"Aisha reported: She asked the Prophet, “Have you encountered a harder day than the battle of Uhud?” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “I have met your people as they are, and the worst of it was the day of ‘Aqabah as I had an audience with Ibn ‘Abd Yalil ibn ‘Abd Kulal. He did not respond as I had hoped, so I departed with grief upon my face. I could not recover until I reached Qarn al-Tha’alib, then I raised my head to behold a cloud shading me. I looked again to behold the Angel Gabriel within it, calling out to me, ‘Verily, Allah has heard what your people said to you and their response. He has sent the Angel of the Mountains for you to command as you wish regarding them.’ The Angel of the Mountains called out to greet me with peace, then he said, ‘O Muhammad, speak as you wish. I will crush them under two mountains if that is your desire.’ I said, ‘No, rather I hope Allah will bring out from their progeny those who would worship Allah alone without associating any partners with Him.”

[Source: Bukhari & Muslim]

In recent times, I feel as if each time I had a hope for something it would be crushed and turned out to be not as I expected. I would hope that the next person in my life would be a support in my life story and I in their story. I have begun to let go of the hope that anyone would be able to emotionally support me due to my own personal quirks that make it difficult to do so. I do believe humans can be emotionally supportive to one another but that it can be difficult to do so for someone who is not easily consoled or who rationalizes emotions which can lead to dismissing the emotions of others, inadvertently.

During a task I had earlier, I noticed the "grief" on my face in which I felt a deep sense of sadness and worry. And as I said, I suddenly found my finger tips writing out a search query and stumbling across this interaction between online users supporting one another through a simple but deeply empathetic exchange. I, too, felt empathy for the user and it led to me to ponder my own emotional state. On the one hand, it was not a bad thing to often prefer to play a role in the lives of others as it led to me going on many quests to learn something that would help others such as my friends or students. But on the other hand, when I am alone I find it difficult to be anything other than an NPC until given a role based on trends of the needs of others.

It hurts to know that the very people you wished to help, turned their backs on you and slandered you. I often have flashbacks to a time when those who said they loved me would tell me reassuring words and share food with me but then I feel a stark coldness enter my bloodstream of fear that those same individuals led to my departure from a community I once had an impact on. Who am I now?

This question takes us back to the hadith where the Prophet ﷺ was sent to At-Tai'f to spread the message of Islam to the people and when he was rejected he indeed felt grief. Notice how he also does not victimize himself and despite all the atrocities that occurred to him where they threw things at him, he simply just states that an Angel came with the offer to destroy those people for the humiliation and pain they caused him. Two angels ultimately offered the empathy and solace he needed by validating the severity of his pain and offering to do something for him. But instead, he accepted the situation and hoped that perhaps one day goodness might come out from the bad that occurred to him. We see that there is a balance in his approach to the mission he was on: he went out to face a challenge head-on but if something did not result as he expected, he would not force it to work and leave it in the hands of Allah.

The reality is that we should strive for the best of that which we are inclined towards. If one is inclined towards math, then they should perhaps seek a field that is beneficial to them within math such as if they find it easier to teach or easier to find patterns in data and work for a business. But perhaps they go about this quest and find that the situation was not as they expected then it is always possible to find another way. After At-Tai'f, the Prophet ﷺ would come across many more people who would accept him and many more trials among those who would regard him as an enemy. Each trial and victory prepared him for the next set of wins and losses. If one tries to help a person and this person causes them harm, then one can move onto learning from this mistake and considering whether it was this specific type of person, this specific type of help, or is one winding up in such a situation because of their own pursuit of the wrong intention.

Ultimately, we never really will know what will happen after we embark on a new chapter of life or make a new decision. Just like characters in a story, we are the mercy of the author and we should trust that the author of all our lives is Allah and we will all turn out fine if we make choices with the best of intentions. Even if we experience failure, such a failure may turn into a great achievement in the next chapter or play a role in someone else's great achievement in their next chapter.