notes from a summer library

i realized that my work days have been passing by while i'm in an almost-dreamlike state.

i don't think it helps that i'm here alone every afternoon, waiting for the evening librarian to show up so i can leave.

there aren't any students on campus this summer, i guess. during a normal year, our summer traffic is already pretty low. during a plague year, we've been averaging less than one student per week since late april.

the dean of the library has been generally absent, too. his presence yesterday was actually what sparked this realization.

it was a little before 4pm and i was aimlessly wondering around in the stacks. looking out a window, i saw his car parked next to mine. i felt a sense of relief that, at least for this afternoon, i wasn't alone in the library. though we typically don't talk with one another outside of the expected professional interactions, i was comforted by his presence in the building.

i also felt a sense of excitement that i might be able to leave at 5pm for once, despite the chronic late arrivals of our evening librarian.

expecting the dean to come downstairs to the reference desk and tell me to go home while he waited for our tardy colleague, i became confused when i realized 5pm had already passed.

when i walked back to the window in the stacks i had previously looked out of, i saw his car was gone. he must have snuck out.

i briefly felt myself detach from reality in that moment. it was as if my soul had lifted out of my body and dissipated into the stale, musty air. i stood there for a while, eyes unseeing.

eventually i must have collected my things, closed my office door, and begun the drive home. fifteen minutes passed into my commute home before i realized i was even driving.