No Secretaries, No Exceptions

I’ve come to a firm and deeply considered career conclusion: I will never accept a job that has the word “Secretary” in the title.

Not now. Not later. Not even if it comes with a corner office, a pension, and a ceremonial pen set.

This is not about qualifications. I could probably handle the responsibilities. I can send emails, attend meetings, and look serious while someone says “circle back.” That is not the issue.

The issue is branding.

“Secretary” sounds like a role where, at any moment, someone might ask you to “take this down” while speaking faster than human transcription allows. It suggests a permanent relationship with a notepad, even in a world where notepads have been replaced by apps, and apps have been replaced by people pretending to remember things.

It also implies you are responsible for things that do not exist yet.

“Where’s that report?”
“What report?”
“The one I was thinking about writing.”

And now it’s your problem.

Even at the highest levels, the title does not escape this. “Secretary of Something Important” still carries the same undertone. You could be overseeing vast systems, budgets, and policy decisions, and the title still quietly suggests you might also be available to schedule a meeting or locate a missing folder.

Trying to toughen it up does not help. You can rename “Secretary of Defense” to “Secretary of War,” but it still sounds like you’re in charge of the meeting notes for the war. It does not make it cooler. It just makes it louder. If anything, that was the moment to drop “Secretary” entirely and go with something more honest, like MFIC of War.

There is also the problem of interpretation.

You introduce yourself: “I’m the Secretary of X.”

Half the room hears “decision-maker.”

The other half hears “can you print this?”

That ambiguity is built into the title, and I am not interested in managing it.

There are better options. Titles with boundaries. Titles that do not come with an implied clipboard.

Director. Analyst. Consultant. Even something vague like “Strategic Lead.” No one knows what it means, which is exactly the point.

I’m also not wearing makeup unless I’m playing a character. If the job requires stage lighting and a powder brush, that’s not a job, that’s a role.

And the career pipeline does not help. Going from weekend warrior, to cable news host, to Secretary is a trajectory that raises questions about how seriously we are treating the position in the first place.

So the rule stands.

If the title says “Secretary,” the answer is no.

This post was inspired by Pete Hegseth.