Metaphobia

A slow, tenuous, forced breath in. How long has it been - seconds, minutes, hours? How long, since I have to breath forcefully, because my lungs seem to have lost the hunger for air? How long, since I took that gruesome stuff? You, no I, stare at the window; a window reflecting, seemingly reflecting, the outside world onto a two dimensional plane lacking any depth whatsoever. A slow breath out. My body starts to calm down - it always does; relishing the letting go of whatever was left to hold onto.

A scream from outside; or was it the screeching tires of a car in hot pursuit? No sirens follow. Again. My heartbeat deepens, the pulse increases. I start to hear the rush in my ears, feel the beats in my chest. A forced, silent breath in - don't make too much noise, lest they see me through this wicked projection! I step to the window, hands and feet and breath shaking. In a flash of clarity, I remember the seeds i swallowed half an hour ago - some psychoactive stuff - interesting trips they said. Trembling with anticipation I ate some of them. Enough? Too much? It's too late now, but I can feel a deep rooted fear creeping through the confusion, thoughts and emotions messing with my brain right now. Remember; it's all just hallucinations. Steps outside my door - have they found me? The fear grips, terrorstruck I look at the window. The people with their weird shapes idly walk by - one stares directly into my eyes. They are but feet away. I push. Perception morphs the window and it's projections back into place - it was just the graffiti I can see from my room on the wall of the building vis a vis.

Words are uttered - something drops to the floor next door. I start getting afraid again; afraid not of the scream per se, afraid not of the knife my neighbor just dropped before knocking at my door. Afraid of what I might dream up next. Afraid of what my sick, perverse brain can manage to scare me with. I feel my heart race again. A deep, unsettling breath in - will it go out again? I must not lose my focus on my breath - I might forget; I might get scared of a car driving by, the dog barking relentlessly in the dark alleyway of the next block. Might get scared of the monstrosity I imagine it to be, with blood dripping teeth, ready to rip out my throat, should I just turn; THIS; I must not lose focus on my breath, hurrying to breath out and back in again. It is not working; I can't stay calm ... what if I become so afraid of my neighbor that I would leap out of my window, falling the four flights of stairs to my certain, death. I don't want to die horrified! A trembling breath back in. Was that two in a row?

I get back up and step to the window: I must check that it is closed - I might stumble and fall. A door shuts loudly, steps outside my door! Is it the neighbor? NO - this is madness; calm down. Breath out, breath in, breath out, breath in, a long slow breath out. I stand there watching the two dimensional projection of the world outside my window. Curious, how the starlight travels for millions of years, just to be blocked by clouds in the last moments, before it reaches my eyes. I stare at the ever moving stars, the curious face, watching over the street from the other building. Again something dropped on the floor - I barely notice it - enchanted by the window and its contents. Do they look differently without the window? I open it slowly, fascinated by the mechanism. The world beyond: three dimensions - even time; I feel my blood starting to pump again - I should close it; would I really jump any minute? Would it matter?

A slow, tenuous, forced breath in. How long has it been - Seconds, minutes, hours? How long, since I have to breath forcefully, because my lungs seem to have lost the hunger for air? How long, since I took that gruesome stuff? You, no I, stare at the window; a window reflecting, seemingly reflecting, the outside world onto a two dimensional plane lacking any depth whatsoever. A slow breath out. My body starts to calm down - it always does; relishing the letting go of whatever was left to hold onto.

Story, Psychological Horror