Sleep over

This story contains emotional triggers including coming out as an LGBTQIAPN+ person; school crushes; heartbreak; homophobia and highschool

This story is based on actual facts

Carlos called Daniel around 18:15, just like he said through a message the day before. They had studied together in high school but hadn't seen each other in over 10 years. They (barely) kept contact through social networks after Daniel's family had to move to another state, so they did not graduate together. A couple of weeks before they met by chance in a parking lot after a concert, and then scheduled this night out at a bar.

"Hello, Daniel, how are you?"
"Hey man, I'm fine, how are you? Ready for tonight?"
"Yeah, I'm good; I'm calling now because I'm leaving the office. Gonna take the subway to the bar. Where do we meet?"
"Uh, at the bar, I guess?"
"Ok, sounds good. Around 19h?"
"Yep, enough time for me to get there"
"Awesome! See you in a bit, then!"
"Alright, 'till then"

After Carlos hung up, he sent Daniel a message with the address of the bar, just in case he needed it.

Carlos was one of the first and few friends to whom Daniel came out during high school. They were 15 and Daniel had a crush on his best friend's brother, so he decided to tell Carlos about himself. Even after high school Carlos kept Daniel's secret and always supported him. Carlos had his fair share of girlfriends during and after high school but seemed to have been single for a few years now, from what Daniel was able to discover by stalking him online.

Daniel drove to the bar, listening to upbeat music to get in the mood for the night. Not only was it cold and raining, he wasn't used to hanging out with straight friends by himself. He worried maybe they wouldn't have much in common, since the last years of messages were "Hey, how are you?", "Happy birthday", "Happy new year", and commenting on the news that some teacher or student from back then had died. He parked his car right next to the bar and got in line to enter. Fridays were always busy there.

It was early, so the place wasn't crowded yet. He sat at the counter near the beer taps and messaged Carlos. "Just got here, sitting by the taps in the entrance". Just as he pressed "Send", Carlos tapped his right shoulder. "Hey!" Daniel offered his hand for a handshake but Carlos hugged him right. His cologne smelled very nice. They decided to go upstairs to find a table to sit at and talk, far from the band which was getting their instruments plugged in at the stage. Carlos ordered fries and Eisenbahn beer for them.

The conversation started with small talk about current life issues, jobs, ass hole bosses, annoying neighbours, exes, moved into family and pets, and then onto old friends from high school.

"Man, do you remember Pedro? You guys were pretty close, right?", Carlos asked, while waving at the waitress for a fourth beer.
"Yeah, after you left he became my best friend. He was one of the other people I told about... being gay and all. Some people changed completely after I told them, so I grew apart from them, Pedro and you were the ones who didn't change at all. But then shit happened and we lost touch"
"Really? What happened?", Carlos asked with genuine interest.
"Well... I fell in love. With him. It wasn't just a crush, it really hurt me. I told him about it, and then I said it would be better for us to not hang out anymore because it was not doing good to me, you know?"
"Ah, like, you really wanted to be with him and he was straight, right?"
"Right, but it doesn't mean that if he were gay we'd be together"
Carlos' beer arrived. He took a long sip.
"Oh, right, but I mean, you were best friends, imagine being able to date your best friend"
Daniel failed to understand how that would be an issue for a straight person, but he continued:
"Yep! Anyway, he went away to the US for a year and when he got back he was in love with this girl. I believe they got married. Not then, years later when he went back to the US again, for college"
"Damn, how was it to see him again after he came back from the US?"
"It was great, I missed him. It was hard too, seeing that he was in love with this girl and that nothing would happen between us. I was 17 and needy, I wanted him to come back and say we'd be together or some fairy tale shit". Daniel noticed that all that sharing was probably the beer's fault. He asked the waiter for a lemon soda.

Carlos placed his hand on top of Daniel's hand. Daniel looked at him thinking "This bitch is drunk". Carlos made a weird gesture with his hands and said "Man, when you came out, I freaked out". Daniel was puzzled. He looked around to see if the waiter was bringing his soda already.

"Freaked out why?"
"Well, I had never had a gay friend and no one had ever come out to me, I didn't want things to change between us. Actually, I kinda noticed you and Pedro had a different kind of friendship than you and I. I mean, you treated him in a different way, and I was kind of jealous of it. So when you told me, I was happy but I was also worried that one day you might like me and things would be weird"
"Yes, because you're so fucking irresistible" said Daniel laughing and rolling his eyes.
"No! No! That's... that's not it. I'm drunk now. What I mean is I was afraid everything would change anyway, because now you were you, you weren't pretending to be someone"

Daniel nodded in silence, running a finger through the droplets that formed on the surface of the glass of soda. He removed his jacket, put it on the back of his chair, sighed and said "Well, that's something that happens to us. It happens more to non-straight people than the inverse. The opposite. Whatever. During college I fell in love with straight guys, and it's different than falling in love and not being corresponded; that is OK, it's expected and understandable, no one is obligated to like you. But when a gay person falls in love with a straight person there's no fix for it. It's an impossibility"

Carlos raised his eyebrows slowly making a lot of effort, and made a sad, worried face, probably exaggerated by the alcohol. He nodded and put his closed hands near his heart, in sympathy. He changed the hands positions a couple of times, probably trying to find the side a heart actually stays in. He was, indeed, very drunk. Daniel noticed and laughed, tapped on the table. "I need to pee", he said, while standing up. The men's room was downstairs, so he got to the first floor where the music was much louder and waited in line, noticing that the guy in front of him was "totally his number". He did not know if it was because of the beer, but talking about Pedro and not being able to be with someone you loved got him sad and needy.

When his turn came, he went into the bathroom right into the only urinal that was free and started to unzip. He then noticed that the wall between each urinal was very short and he could completely see the dick of the handsome guy that was in front of him in the line, now pissing to his left, almost elbow to elbow. When that guy left, Daniel closed his eyes and thought of a waterfall, but suddenly that piss-inducing image was interrupted by a familiar voice: "Hey, pisser!" said Carlos while unbuckling his belt at the urinal to Daniel's right. "Fuck, these little separators are the same as nothing", Carlos noticed. He started pissing and whistling right away. Daniel made some effort not to look at his friend's dick, even though he knew Carlos already had glanced at his when he got in.

Daniel finished and moved to the sink to wash his hands. As he looked into the mirror to check his hair, he saw Carlos' short and thick cut dick on the reflection. He looked away, dried his hands and went back to the second floor. He asked for another soda, which was served to him before Carlos returned.

"So, back to where we were", Carlos said. "So, you said that it is impossible to love a straight person". Daniel laughed out loud at that phrase and how much it made sense to him. Carlos continued: "Wouldn't you ask first, though? If Pedro were bissexual you guys could be together" Suddenly Carlos remembered that Daniel's first crush and reason for coming out was not Pedro, but Edward, their best friend's brother. Before Daniel could answer, he interrupted his own prior question. "Hey, now wait a minute, what about Edward?"
"He's married, has two kids, did not go to vet school, suffers from depression because he couldn't find a job"
"Jesus...!"
"Sorry, my parents run into his parents at the groceries store often, and they gossip it over to me"
"Do your parents know... that you were crazy about him?"
"No! No, not at all"
"Ok, he's married and depressed, but but I was going to ask what happened back then".
Daniel looked at his watch and then at Carlos' very drunk face. He nodded.
"Can I tell you that story another time? It's getting late, you need to get to the subway station soon, I need to go home and sleep" Daniel was avoiding the subject of heartbreak and he was indeed tired.

Carlos straightened up in the chair. "OK, ok, ok... let me pay for the beers, you pay for the fries and sodas". They paid and got downstairs, where they noticed a lot of people coming inside the bar with wet hair and clothes. When they handed their tickets to get out, the man at the door said "Watch out, it's like a river out there". They stepped out and noticed that the rain's intensity had increased 10-fold in the time they were in the bar. "Shit, the streets are flooded. I won't get to the subway in time; I'll have to find a place to crash"

If there was one thing Daniel hated more than having unexpected guests, was to have drunk unexpected guests. He took a deep breath and asked Carlos: "I live a few blocks from here, do you want to sleep over at my place?" Carlos hugged Daniel's right arm and said, with puppy eyes: "Could I? I won't get in your way". They ran to the parking lot next door using their jackets as umbrellas, got in the car and left. In 10 minutes they arrived at Daniel's place.

Carlos was very careful not to touch anything or do something stupid. He knew he was drunk, and therefore even more clumsy than usual. He sat on the sofa waiting for instructions. Daniel went into his room, came back with pillows, a towel, sheets, a blanket and an old long sleeved t-shirt and boxer shorts. He placed the bedding on the sofa and gave Carlos the clothes. He pointed at the bathroom and Carlos stood up and walked to it like a little robot following an order. Daniel sat in the sofa waiting for his turn to shower.

Carlos came out of the steamy bathroom wearing just the boxer shorts. He had a greying hairy chest that was mucho more attractive than his clothes gave away. Daniel did not care much, he had his own conviction that men should be able to be naked together without triggering any sexual thoughts; he considered himself a little bit of a naturist. He went into the bathroom, showered, took his pills and brushed his teeth. He put on his white t-shirt and gray sweatpants and sat on the couch with Carlos, who was now wearing the long sleeve shirt. He asked if Carlos was cold, he nodded negatively. He asked if he was still drunk, Carlos smiled and nodded yes, and raised his right index finger into the air like a student who wants to ask a question.

"You had a story to tell me! About Edward!" he said now loudly and shaking his finger. "Alright" Daniel said, sighing.

"That winter vacation when I told you about myself, I was invited to spend some days at Joe's grandparent's cottage. His brother Edward was coming too. At the end of the trip, I decided to tell Edward that I'm gay. Remember how we all suspected he was gay because he did not date any of the beautiful girls that were into him?" Carlos nodded slowly, but affirmatively. Daniel continued: "Yeah, it wasn't because he didn't want to, it was because his brother and him had to make a deal with their parents that they wouldn't date until they got into college. Weird stuff. But anyway, I did not know that so I told him, expecting maybe he would come out to me, but he didn't. When the winter was over and we went back to school, he told me he did not want to be around me and that he didn't want me to be best friends with his brother" Carlos gasped, saying "Oh no!". He made that sad face with arched eyebrows again.

"Well, that really sucked. It sunk my heart. I remember going home and crying for hours in a pillow. Luckily my parents weren't there. That was my first rejection and it felt awfully homophobic. It actually felt like he had told someone else and that person said that he had to shut me down, you know? To this day I still suspect it's something their parents told him to tell me"

Carlos moved closer. "AND YOU REALLY LOVED HIM, RIGHT?" he asked, in a completely overwhelming and unexpected emotional voice. He put his arms around Daniel and pressed hard. Daniel was sure he was much too drunk, he was just a quiet drunk. He petted Carlos' big arms around him and said "It's ok. It got better. I had plenty of dick since then". Carlos burst into loud, honest laughter. He kept holding Daniel and put his head on his chest. "Are you gonna sleep like that? Holding me?" asked Daniel completely still with both arms caught in Carlos' drunk hug. There was no response for a while. Then Carlos said quietly "...Can I?" Daniel blushed. He didn't know what to do. If he said yes, would he be taking advantage of a drunk man to fulfill his needy mood? "What do you mean, do you want to sleep with me?" he asked Carlos. Carlos let go of Daniel and kept his head down, looking at his hands on his thighs. "I mean, you're a good person, you care for me, maybe we could just cuddle a little bit?" he said in an almost childish manner. Daniel was a little confused but he could not deny he was very much into this whole thing. Cuddling with a hot straight guy on a cold night? Hell yeah! And just as if Carlos had been reading his thoughts, he said "I'm not straight. I've been feeling attracted to guys too since Amanda and I broke up a few years ago. I have not fucked a guy, not even kissed one. I don't know, maybe this is a stupid idea". Carlos got up and started looking for his pants. Daniel went after him and said "Hey, I don't want to be someone's convenience gay, that they can use to experiment and throw away. But you're welcome to stay. Let's go to bed, it's late, you're still somewhat drunk"

Daniel guided Carlos by his shoulders to the bedroom, which was heated. They slid under the covers and said good night. Daniel turned the lights off by clapping twice. Carlos said "Fucking rich gays". Both laughed. Daniel sensed movement underneath the covers and Carlos hand reaching his stomach. He lied his head down on Daniel's chest and slept. Daniel kept thinking of the weird night he had and closed his eyes to sleep. He dreamed of a winter vacation where he told his school crush that he liked him, and the boy said "I like you too".

End.

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