Thursday, Feb 20, 2025 at 10:19 AM

New notebooks, like new shoes, take some getting used to. The fondest hope for this new notebook to fade into the background as an item, to simply become a ubiquitous tool that let's my mind walk, whether a stroll to the store or bushwhacking up a mountain-side. Cease to be a thing. It only has the power I give it.

I'm packing up and getting nimble. Packing up my stuff, my identity, my entire life. It's been in process for 3 years now and will likely take another year or two.

It's been hard. Working through the property, belongings and sheer stuff of my/our parents dredges up a lot amid the seemingly endless tasks ... things that need minding. It's not necessarily the "doing" it's the carrying around the evolving task list, phone calls, bureaucracy, familial guilt .

Success in these tasks have never brought a sense of accomplishment, only a relief, a chance to rest before taking up the list once more. My mental and physical health has taken a hit. Paralyzing anxiety, irritability amid constant distraction, depression ... all for which I am getting help. Wrestling the physical leavings of a waning parent literally tore me open - hernia. Literally on the mend now. But my furniture wrestling days are over.

I am honestly surprised that none of this necessarily involves grief itself. It's difficult to not feel resentment ... at who? Heh .. everything. But I'm a few steps closer to the end every week.

What then, after all this struggle, torment? I/we don't know. Somewhere deep in my musings while I walk, or shuffle between storage units and real estate I never wanted, there are new ideas for those things that are worth devoting precious time to.

Literally tidying up life so that I can live. My personal, distorted reflection of the climate emergency.

So enough about the struggle. I want tell you what walking the proud land means to me and what it can mean for us.

--obligatory daily project check-in--

  • tech - redesign of websites - using Hugo and Cloudflare.
  • writing - "Scale is Antipattern" - draft stage

You'll only receive email when they publish something new.

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