educated psychological analysis

After the event that occurred at the parking lot on page 194, Tara seemed to isolate the event entirely after she received apologies from Shane, which came to her surprise. She had written in her journal that it was a “misunderstanding” and that “If I’d asked him to stop, he would have”, in Shane’s defence, as if her denial would justify his actions as morally right. Meanwhile, only a day prior, she had written down a detailed account of what she remembered of the event, saying that she didn’t want to “hide behind hints and suggestions”. In her journal she had written about her recollection of the event as; “he was forcing me” and “it was like getting beaten by a zombie”. And her later on saying this event was a misunderstanding displays her feeling of powerlessness compared to her family, which she also elucidates on page 197 when she says in her opinion of the present day that “My life was narrated for me by others. Their voices are forceful, empathic, absolute.”

This event had a big and heavy impact on her mental health to the point that she unknowingly felt the need to isolate herself from the situation and find a reason to redirect her feelings toward something else, which is the apologies she received from Shane. But, she also experiences denial through falsifying her sense of reality where she tried to think of Shane as a good brother while she experiences abuse and harassment from him. And the fact that she wasn’t feeling vengeful or angry at Shane after this event but rather weak and embarrassed about herself shows how Tara is repressing her troubles and transforming this into denial of her true reality. But this could be explained by the actions of Tara’s father figure, as he is naturally very explosive without reasoning due to his bipolar personality. This could be the reason she finds great gratification in apologies and other people’s worry, which is why she was so warm-hearted towards Shane’s apologies.