Tuesday, Mar 21, 2023 at 11:17 a.m.

I will post here, for now, while trying to get my life back together.

My comments here are sometimes not well thought out, and may be impulsive. I often change my mind within minutes, so be aware of that if you happen to read anything here that may seem odd, angry, impulsive, etc.

For most people, my life may seem "together". I have a house, job, wife, kids, not separated, no drug addiction. I don't drink or smoke. I try to exercise regularly...but I can't seem to get my fucking life together. I am terrible with any social situation. I have immense trouble focusing. I work as a programmer for a company, but often work 14 hour days because I just can't focus on my work. I don't know why they keep me employed but thank god they do. I suppose I produce some decent work once in a while and if they need something challenging, I tend to be very fast and producing a decent result. But it has to be challenging.

Ask me to send an e-mail to someone...something that may not take much thought, i'll take 2 weeks to do it, but ask me to interface our software application with a third party connector that no one has done yet, and I'll have a working prototype in 2 days.

Doctor gave me ADHD medications...It helps sometimes, when I remember to take them that is.

But when I have something challenging I know is coming up...I often skip the meds, I'm actually able to get the challenging work done better with 1000 thoughts flying through my head every minute. My wife says she sees me get hyper-focused, to the point I skipped meals to get it done. But I'm not sure this is the person that people want. It must be frustrating to have to plan around me, as I am likely an obstacle in some respects...

I realize this is a long rant, I had better get back to work.