Roe v Wade

Am I even more conservative than the current US Supreme Court? I don't agree with the pro-choice lobby because I don't believe life itself should be a free choice; but given that my views are politically nonviable/out of reach (probably...), abortive ease-of-access should win the day.

Under my government, procreation would become a restricted responsibility. The Inverted Handmaid's Tale.

The ultimate cosmic Catch 22 is existential unwantedness. Think about it. If you're alive, you didn't choose to be. You were made to be. And you can't get out of it, at least not without causing a lot more destruction than only that of destroying your own life. You can't really "choose not to be alive" without an active or passive bent towards ending life, but that's not synonymous with "choice".

You can't choose to exist because your parents, the instruments of your existence, made that choice for you. Mine used to tell me "you wouldn't be here if we didn't have you" and even as a sprightly 13 year old, I had already exceeded [both] my disabled parents' cognitive development to philosophise that out to "hmm, but I wouldn't be here to know that so that wouldn't matter". Non sequitur.

I was told possibly apocryphal stories that my mother was cautioned to have an abortion while - either my older sibling or - I [were] in term. I wish she had. I do.

Some classical theory here would suggest that the State should've removed me from my family of origin pretty quickly. They failed. They didn't and the repair work it's taken me (ie many hundreds of hours of therapy, recovery, hospitalisations) to stay alive, when I really wish/ed not to be, is very much in the negative.

To end this, here's a slab of Bible from my fundamentalist days. I still find resonance. I feel you, Job.

3 After a while, Job opened his mouth to speak. He cursed the day he had been born. 2 He said,

3 “May the day I was born be wiped out.
May the night be wiped away when people said, ‘A boy is born!’
4 May that day turn into darkness.
May God in heaven not care about it.
May no light shine on it.
5 May gloom and total darkness take it back.
May a cloud settle over it.
May blackness cover it up.
6 May deep darkness take over the night I was born.
May it not be included among the days of the year.
May it never appear in any of the months.
7 May no children ever have been born on that night.
May no shout of joy be heard in it.
8 May people say evil things about that day.
May people ready to wake the sea monster Leviathan say evil things about that day.
9 May its morning stars become dark.
May it lose all hope of ever seeing daylight.
May it not see the first light of the morning sun.
10 It didn’t keep my mother from letting me be born.
It didn’t keep my eyes from seeing trouble.

11 “Why didn’t I die when I was born?
Why didn’t I die as I came out of my mother’s body?
12 Why was I placed on her knees?
Why did her breasts give me milk?
13 If all of that hadn’t happened,
I would be lying down in peace.
I’d be asleep and at rest in the grave.
14 I’d be with the earth’s kings and rulers.
They had built for themselves places that are now destroyed.
15 I’d be with princes who used to have gold.
They had filled their houses with silver.
16 Why wasn’t I buried like a baby who was born dead?
Why wasn’t I buried like a child who never saw the light of day?
17 In the grave, sinful people don’t cause trouble anymore.
And there tired people find rest.
18 Prisoners also enjoy peace there.
They don’t hear a slave driver shouting at them anymore.
19 The least important and most important people are there.
And there the slaves are set free from their owners.

20 “Why should those who suffer ever be born?
Why should life be given to those whose spirits are bitter?
21 Why is life given to those who long for death that doesn’t come?
Why is it given to those who would rather search for death
than for hidden treasure?
22 Why is life given to those who are actually happy and glad
when they reach the grave?
23 Why is life given to a man like me?
God hasn’t told me what will happen to me.
He has surrounded me with nothing but trouble.
24 Sighs have become my food every day.
Groans pour out of me like water.
25 What I was afraid of has come on me.
What I worried about has happened to me.
26 I don’t have any peace and quiet.
I can’t find any rest. All I have is trouble.”