All the best for your 100Day challenge. Keep going!
Wishing you well. I enjoy your writing and look forward to your posts.
It may be too early for this... but one thing I like to do in order to scorn my enemies, is meditate on their well being. What I do is hold the image of their heinous, rat-bag, vomit-inducing face in my mind and think to myself, "My you be full of love and kindness. May you be well. May you be peaceful and at ease. May you be happy." - The Devil
It's absolutely alright to hate the person. They hurt you in a way that's unrepairable. I'm really glad that you're doing meditation that works wonders and absolutely feeling your feelings and you're doing it the right way :hugs: You are not ruined you are not dirty and you are not unlovable. That person was extremely horrible and broke your heart in every spot possible. It's extremely hard to see how little a person cared for you and then see all the red flags after the fact. I'm so sorry you're stuck in a lease with this horrible person. You're absolutely right the fact that they sided with their friend instead of you showed your their horrible colours. How you described the person making you feel unclean and controlling your life, reinforcing an incorrect belief and pushing it on you every day made us furious. You were abused in so many ways, I can tell you that real love and real relationship the person would have stood beside you and made you feel like a treasure to be cared and nurtured, not a piece of garbage stuck to their shoe. I really hope you managed to get away. You demanded everything from me. You demanded everything be done your way. I couldn't use your coffee grinder, for fear I would break it. You demanded the bed be a certain way, for your sleep. You demanded the cups be rim up, and the couch be at a 45 degree angle, and the U Haul be loaded just the way you wanted. You demanded everything be plastic bagged: chips, masks, wet wipes, trail mix, anything, all taken from it's original packaging and zip-locked. You tortured me with your demands. You made me live in fear of pushing you over the edge. I'm so sorry for all that you experienced and I'm so glad that your gaining yourself again. That man is toxic thru and thru. Even though I don't know you, I do know this you're beautiful, strong and a wonderful person who like a dandellion can grow anywhere and regrow after it's been plucked at. I wish you the best but I know you won't need it. You're already so tuned in, so eloquent and now safe physical from him at least. I know the mental stuff will take alot longer, you can do it. Some days are gonna be horrible but you're gonna make it. The books you read, your brothers name, your wonderful garden, family and crafts. All of those should be of importance to whomever you're in a relationship with.Even us who are not related to you would wanna know that if we ever knew you in the real. The fact that he didn't and actively forgot is despicable. He touched starved you and that's a horrible abuse to go thru, I hope that you're able to cuddle with your brother or your mother or some friend if you have any that he didn't rip away from you. You need that, you need to feel the truth that you're worthy, you're not dirty and you're to be loved and treasured not abused and misused. I'm so happy you've realized what he's done. Those years were absolutely stolen from you, if I could I would find a way to give them back to you. For that theft wasn't just a theft from your past but also into your future. His mental abuse will try and worm it's way into your future relationships whispering lies and trying to get you to be alone again. Don't listen to those lies <3 Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for sharing this. You're an extremely brave, wonderful, kind and beautiful person.