Note 7

millenia ago i was wandering through the countryside in my homtown and it was spring and it was autumn. we sang gay songs of falling leaves and loping creeks. we sang with the birds and the wind and we prayed to the moon and the sun. often on our march to market we would offer bounty to th elocal forest gods for protection from bandits. my uncle had been killled by a travelling band of thieves and unable to stay long in town they often made camp in the woods. the footpath we follow has been in use since my ancestors settled this valley. tales oft told describe the man who made it as half a tree high and giftd with divinge strength

gosh this feels uninspired i wish to be transported to Soring and Autumn Eastern Zhou China. to not have to guess at what the beauty of that land was before it was tarnished bya rat race for urbanization, when it was untamed and unshackled, when it was as i yearn to be: free. why is this within me. to know a "natural" state, to abandon industrialized society. perhaps this is a result of the experiment. a somehow shaped mind rejecting it. ive long wished for nature to reclaim the land. ive long felt that it had a right to. ive long known that it someday will, that it is inevitable. but perhaps we'll fuck it. perhaps the earth will burn and the air will sink and choke us and we'll all die lungs on fire pitifully wishing we had acted differently, savoring the pain of those who could not divorce themselves from the material. you know people actually pay for flavored fucking water? and soda? how fucking retarded is that???????? they get it in these little cans and it has no sugar or calories and it tastes vile but it feigns posh so they chug it like it has soul. and they buy TVs, usually more than one (!) and they surf the channel guide because there's nothing to watch. and they allow ads to drone, boring boringly into their skulls fixating their exocortices on that most bereft of value. soon there'll be a sale and they'll get a bigger TV and maybe they'll feel successful. and i just dont know if that's good for them. but oh well, gotta pay the bills, gotta buy a lottery ticket, gotta buy a bottle of wine, oh a deal ill get two. gotta watch the news, dont wanna be out of the loop. gotta retain my spot in the national in-group that no ones ever really mentioned. but sometimes i catch somebody's eye and boy am i glad i tuned in. they might have seen that i didnt know what they were on about. and golly gee if it wouldnt be the death of me to be embarassed about what that plastic faced monotone voice stiff backed tool in the box had to say about those darned juveniles mucking about for "justice".

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and ooo o ooo o looks like ive finished paying off my car, guess i should upgrade. besides it makes more sense to stay renting, i dont have the money write now to buy. yeah, i didnt "need" it, but i did want it and when do you ever really "need" anything.

NO. dont ask me if im okay shouts the silence. i know i sshould stop drinking chimes the bottle in union with the glass. and as the oreo unthaws and that unholy filling is chewed falsely ecstatic moans of flavor emanate from the mouth. you see, drugs are bad, you shouldnt do them. that's why i eat my oreos and hershey's kisses everynight. because ever since kindergarten they said drugs were bad, it's like the first thing you learn in school, silly pants! and whyyy would do unsafe things! dont you care about the lived experience of your loved ones! how uncaring of you to ever put yourself in danger, you must be bound to the code of caring for your body as laid out by the Food and Health Administration, they've got all those wicked smaht guys from cambridge figuring out how to keep you alive! relax? no, no no sonny, you've gotta use your energy while you're young, dont you know? relaxtion is the old age of experience, besides how could YOU truly appreciate it? you havent toiled for fear of starvation for any amount of time.

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sunny are the skies that kiss me blessed, azure my periphery.


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