#94
October 10, 2024•749 words
It's the second week of October, and as officially declared by the Philippine government, it means it's also National Mental Health Week! I have been living with bipolar disorder for the past six years now, and as someone who experienced the manic highs, the depressive lows, and the neutral mids, here are some tips dealing with people like us:
Mental health disabilities are real physical conditions that affect the brain! It's very hard to "power" yourself through it like stopping yourself from crying. You need therapy and/or medication to deal with it. Imagine someone with a cut arm or leg, do you just tell them "okay lang yan"? Of course not. You tell them to go to the hospital and get medical attention. Same goes with mentally ill people. Comments like "think happy thoughts", "ipagpray mo lang yan", and "kaya mo yan", though coming from a place of good intentions, are not useful in the long run. Empathize, LISTEN, and without making it like you are dismissing them, tell them how important getting professional help is.
Do NOT belittle others' negative experiences. Yeah, other people may have gotten it worse, but it does not mean that your or your friend's negative experiences should be taken for granted. Children in Africa may have nothing to eat, but that does not mean that you should quickly move on from being sad because your dog died. Perspective is good, but it is also good to experience emotions as what they are first and then let go.
Unless the person asks for it, do not attempt to solve their problems and just LISTEN. Sometimes, all we need is a judgment free zone where we can shout our hearts out. Whenever I get panic attacks, I actually knew what to do, what is the correct path to move forward, why I am acting the way I am, but I just want to cry and exclaim all the injustices in the world for no good reason. A simple "Sige lang, nakikinig ako" goes a long way!
This is a delicate topic, but whenever someone is suicidal, it's actually good to talk about suicide with them! Preferably, you should get a professional to discuss it with them, but if that is unavailing, or the person is unwilling, do not be afraid to broach the topic. Ask them what are their plans, why they are thinking of doing it, and what are possible alternatives aside from killing themselves. Once they calmed down, persuade them to call professional help. I've called suicide hotlines three times now and bringing the topic of suicide down to earth actually dissuades the act. Of course, if the person is actually in the brink of commiting it, call emergency services! It's better to be hated on rather them being dead.
Randomly ask people if they are okay and actually LISTEN if they are not! I have been doing this for several years now. I randomly message people, especially those I haven't communicated for some time, "okay ka lang? kamusta?" Most say they are okay, some do not reply, but a few actually are not doing so good and just want to rant. It would have been really helpful for me back in the dark days if someone just randomly chatted me up "kamusta?" without any ulterior motives other than being nice. Sometimes you just need a random act of kindness to see the light at the end of the day!
Well, that's all I have to share. I've put emphasis on the word 'LISTEN' above because at least on my part, I cannot say this in general - that's all I wanted eh. Whenever I feel like I am at the brink of insanity, I feel so alone, so isolated, so out of the world and its life force. Even just one person connecting and actually listening to my cries is enough to bring me down from the madness. I'm lucky I have an understanding wife who understands that, but for every lucky person like I am, there are thousands more crying by the corner of their room, horror creeping in like some Lovecraftian monster.
Yeah. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to listen and for those who are okay, remember the tips above when you are consoling someone like me! They may not work in general as every person's experience is different, but I think they are a good first step.
See ya alligator.